Cloud: *shoved out onto the stage, looks around at the readers blankly. Looks off stage* What the hell am I doing here?
Hika-chan: The disclaimer
Cloud: Why?
HC: 'Cause I told you too
Cloud: Got a better reason?
HC: If you don't I'll write you in a yaoi fic
Cloud: You don't have the stomach for it.
HC: *casually*You're right, but I have no problems pairing you up with Yuffie.
Cloud: *snaps attention to readers* Final Fantasy VII characters, locations, etc are sole Property of Squaresoft and in no way belong to Hika-chan.
HC: *grins*Good boy
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Beautiful Nightmare
An FF7 Fanfic by Hika-chan
Chapter 9: Shave and a Haircut (Two Bits)

After dinner Rufus was directed to a bathroom by Ralena, a small collection of items in his hands. A towel, a wash cloth, a clean set of clothes, a razor and shaving gel, and a toothbrush. He stood there and put the things down before remembering to turn the light on. He blinked and winced slightly, still trying to adjust to being in such bright light so often.

He looked up then and stared at his reflection. He had suspected that he looked awful but not this bad. Dark circles under his eyes from days of little or no sleep. His hair didn't even look blonde anymore, it was more like a sandy brown, and the beard. Oh god the beard, he had always hated facial hair, and it looked just as nasty as the rest of him. Smudges of dirt and oil were all over him as well. No wonder Sephiroth was frightened.

Rufus blinked at the thought, Sephiroth scared of him... Hell Sephiroth as a child! For some reason Rufus had always pictured Sephiroth having come out of some sort of factory, as though he had been some machine all along. He shook the thoughts away and no longer able to stand staring at his haggard appearance he started the shower.

***

Elena, Yuffie, and Ralena were all sitting in the living room chatting about this and that. Elena was very happy for the opportunity to talk to other women for a change, while Ralena just seemed happy for the company. "You mean you and Rude?" Yuffie asked.

Elena blushed, "Yeah, well not anymore... It was a little while after the whole meteor thing, while Reno was still staying here. We gave it a shot, Reno was actually quite surprised when he found out. But then it just got... weird."

"Weird?" Ralena asked.

"I dunno, I think it was the whole seeing each other, working together thing... or maybe we just didn't mesh."

"Meshing is good," Yuffie responded.

"What about you?"

Yuffie coughed up some of her drink, "Me?"

Elena tried not to laugh, before asking slyly. "Yeah I mean you're a big girl, you find any boys you like yet?"

The ninja blushed violently, "Well when I first met him I thought Cloud was really hot."

"You liked CLOUD!?" Ralena asked on the verge of laughter. She looked up towards the kitchen seeing Reno head in their direction as if to ask something.

"I know, I know. I can't believe it either, I mean the whole spikey hair thing? Puh-leaze! SO over it."

"Well that's nice to know."

After hearing what they were talking about Reno turned around and headed back to the kitchen. "Don't go in there Vince, they're talking girl talk."

Back in the living room Yuffie was still under interrogation. "Well? You see any other yummy treats back in Wutai while you were there?"

"Elena!"

The female Turk grinned, "What?"

"Excuse me ladies." They looked up to see Rufus, a towel over his head as he was drying his hair. He was wearing a white button down shirt and a pair of black jeans. He pulled the towel back and flipped his hair back with a hand. "Ralena right?" The hostess nodded, "Yeah I just wanted to see where I was sleeping tonight." The three women who were all lounged out on the couch and recliner were staring at him. "...What?"

Ralena cleared her throat and stood. "You uhh.. you clean up real nice." Rufus' face seemed to gain a more confused expression. "Ehhh nevermind follow me." Rufus followed the empath out of the room after giving one last questioning look back at the girls.

Once he was out of sight Elena and Yuffie slowly turned to each other. The ninja was the first to speak. "Was his hair always that blonde?"

***

"You can stay in this room, for now. Reno's next door and that's the bathroom over there as I'm sure you remember."

"Thanks. Hey Ralena?"

"Who's that Wutaian girl?"

"You mean Yuffie? She was with AVALACHE."

Rufus seemed confused by this, "Isn't she a little young to have been saving the world?"

Ralena shrugged, "She was sixteen at the time, but given the right circumstances people can grow up pretty fast."

The blonde stared at her blankly. "She's as mature as Reno," he said as though trying to make a point.

The empath laughed, "I see your point but she was surviving on her own in the forest, when I met her so she's pretty capable. That all?"

"Actually... there is one more thing..."

"Yeah?"

"They said that you saved Sephiroth, why?"

Her expression became somewhat sentimental, "Because he saved me."

ok NOW I'm confused. "Huh?"

"I was in Hojo's possession in the tower for years. He helped me escape from Hojo, he... he treated me like a person and got me out of the tower." She grinned, "I bet Hojo was pissed."

"Sephiroth... saved... you?"

"Uh-huh."

Rufus just blinked and shook his head, "Well there was a lot more to him then I ever thought possible... Oh yeah where do I burn my old clothes?"

Ralena laughed again, "Don't you worry I'll take care of it. Why don't you join the guys in the kitchen? I'm sure Reno would like to talk to an man who will actually talk back."

"What?"

"Does Vincent seem like a conversationalist to you?" She asked before walking down the hall.

Were he a nosy person Rufus would have asked her what a woman like her was doing with a guy like Vincent. But being the guy he was he decided it would just be better off to ask Reno later.

He was quite surpised to see Elena and Yuffie racing past him. As it turned out both young women realized at the exact same time that the shower was open. "No way I called it!" Elena shouted.

"Screw you I live here now!"

"Yeah so you should let your guest go first!"

"Nuh-uh, back off woman!" He watched as the Turk barely made it to the bathroom first and a pushing match began with the door. After a minute or so the Turk won out and the door slammed shut. "Dammit!" Yuffie huffed her fists clenched angrily at her sides. She turned to walk down the hall then noticed Rufus standing there watching her on the verge of laughter. Yuffie blushed, laughed nervously and continued on down the hall.

One thing was for sure staying here was going to be interesting, if not fun. And fun was something he had not had in a long time, even before Meteor.

***

There was a slight moan as the pod opened. A slim fingered hand pushed on it from the inside. "Hmmm..." The small bare foot touched the ground before another gracefully came out next to it. She stretched her arms up over her head, barely clad in a backless body suit. Her back was marked with strange patterns of color that went all the way up to her shoulders. One hand reached down lazily and undid her hair, long black locks cascaded down her back waving as she shook out her hair. "What a lovely nap." She went over to a closet and seeing nothing but lab coats opted against it. "Reaper," she called out, "Reaper sweety where are you?"

She walked around the floor, "oops.. body," she said as though she were walking over a sleeping dog. "Here Reaper," she called as though it was a pet of hers. She reached the door to the staircase, easily pushing it open without its latch. "Ohh you figured out the gate," she pouted. She took light steps up the stairs, feet barely seeming to touch the ground. "I'll have to remember to thank whoever turned the light on."

***

Ralena sighed at the sight before her, Vincent, Reno, and Rufus were all sitting around the kitchen table teaching Sephiroth and Yuffie a game... poker. 'Oh well I guess there's no helping it.' She grabbed a stool and pulled it up to the table. "Hey guys deal me in." As she was delt in Vincent insisted she take the chair and he would sit on the stool. After a few rounds Elena came walking back into the kichten and a similar incident to the one Rufus witnessed before. Only this time Reno was the one to beat Yuffie to the bathroom. "Yuffie, you do know there is a bathroom upstairs you can shower in?" Ralena reminded.

"Yeah but I figured with the hot water an-" A slow grin spread across her face. "Excuse me a moment."

Ralena shrugged and they went back to their game. Before the last card was delt they heard a distinctive flushing noise come from upstairs followed by a scream coming from the downstairs shower. Elena looked glanced at her hostess then former employer and the three burst out laughing, especially when they heard another flush and scream. "GODDAMMIT I"M GONNA KILL YOU NINJA GIRL!!"

Yuffie came back downstairs a very happy grin on her face and sat back down at the table. "So what's the ante?" She looked up and noticed everyone looking up behind her. "What?" She turned around and saw an angry, dripping wet, Reno with a towel around his waist and a little soap still in his hair. "Hey how's the shower?"

Reno reached for the Ninja in an attempt to grab her but she ducked under the table crawling out the other side before running off, Reno not far behind. "Get back here you little-"

"Ral! Call him off!" Once again everyone in the kitchen was laughing except for Vincent who just sighed shaking his head. Finally Reno caught her and carried her pass the kitchen with her thrown over his shoulder. "Put me down Dammit! Ralena? Rufus? Someone?! GODDAMMIT PUT ME DOWN!" With the screaming and kicking ninja he walked into the bathroom and threw her into the still running shower. "AHHH!!! It's COLD!"

With a simple mock salute Reno grinned, "Enjoy your shower." Then the red head picked up his clothes and went to his room. Leaving the wet ninja girl in the bathroom.

"Reno..." Vincent called as he passed the kitchen again.

"Yeah?"

"You will clean up the water you tracked all over the house won't you." He said, more telling than asking.

Reno almost pouted then looked to his giggling sister for assitance. Ralena just shook her head, "Don't look at me I'm not cleaning it up."

Letting out a sigh of surrender Reno headed back towards his room, "Alright alright just let me get dressed."

***

"OH MY POOR BABY!" the woman cried as she saw the headless remains of her Reaper. "Ohh who did this to you?" She put her hand into the pool of it's dark blood and brought it up to her lips, some of her deceased pet's (?) memories comming to her in flashes as the rest of the blood seemed to absorb into her fingers. "Don't worry about it, Ferra will get those bad people who did this to you, after I get something to eat and do a few things." She looked up hearing the call of some beast off in the distance. She licked the blood from her lips a predatory grin spreading across her pretty face, "Speaking of dinner..."

***

Sephiroth had been put to bed before the puddles were cleaned up and Yuffie emerged again from the bathroom. When she came back downstairs, dressed in Pjs. It took all of five minutes for her and Reno to get into another childish argument which resulted in, of all things, a pillow fight between the two.

Rufus turned to Vincent, "Are things always this exciting around here?"

Vincent looked up, surprised that Rufus had addressed him. "Thankfully no. Things will probably calm down by tomorrow." Of course he had no idea how wrong he was.

***

As the morning sun broke over Bone Village the eager scientist got off the boat. After a quick breakfast he would head out to Icicle Village before getting some supplies and staying the night he would continue on to the Northern Crater.

***

"EEEYAAHHHHH!!!!" The scream echoed throughout the house not long after eight in the morning. Upon hearing it Rufus had almost thought he was still in the tower sublevels, with others who were dying horribly. He looked around the room confused until the scream broke off into angry shouting. "GODDAMMIT RENO! I SWEAR I'M GONNA.. I'm Gonna... ARRRGHHH!!!"

Relieved to discover last night's events did not go away when he woke. He got up and, like the others in the house, flocked to the scene of the crime. A dripping trail of what appeared to be maple syrup and cereal led from Yuffie's bedroom to the nearest bathroom. Looking in the room they all saw what appeared to be two buckets over her bed. Her empty bed had syrup and cereal all over it. Elena turned around to look at Reno. "I'm impressed," the blonde said, "You actually got up early enough to do this before she woke up."

Reno grinned broadly at her. "Yep it was worth it."

"Of course you get to clean this up too," Vincent said.

"I don't care, it was still worth it."

Rufus just stared and shook his head in disbelief.

***

The others ate breakfast while Yuffie chased Reno around the house with a pair of nunchucks. "I need to stop by the hospital shortly today," Ralena said looking at the clock.

"What do you need to go to the hospital for?" Vincent asked concerned.

"It's nothing, they just lost my blood sample is all."

"That sounds strange."

"I know but-"

"GET BACK HERE!" Reno ran into the kitchen grabbed a piece of toast off the table and ran out the other way. Yuffie ran in behind him, but tripped over the mop Reno had not put away from the night before and landed not-so-graciously on top of Rufus, knocking his chair over and landing the two of them on the floor. "Ooowww..." She pushed herself up then noticed her landing cushion. "heh heh sorry..." she laughed nervously.

Ralena looked at the floor decoration then back up at Vincent as though it were no surprise. "So how should we split them up today?"

"...?"

"Well someone has to watch Seph. And I figured someone needs to take Rufus to get some clothes. All I know is we need to split up Reno and Yuffie."

Vincent eyed said ninja as Rufus helped her up then looked to Reno who waved at her mockingly from the doorway. "Agreed."

***

In the end Yuffie was Rufus' designated tour guide, since she knew the town better than Reno and Vincent wanted to spend the day Ralena. Which left Elena and Reno to watch Sephiroth. The five drove into town together and Elena dropped her fellow blonde and the ninja of by some of the shops. "Ok so what do you want to do fir-"

"Haircut."

"Okaaay then... barbar shop is... that way." They walked along in relative quiet for a while until after his haircut, which was the same as it had been before, but Yuffie, having never really seen him before yesteday, didn't really notice.

"Yuffie?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you get involved with AVALANCHE?"

"Oh well I attacked them for their materia and... somehow I ended up joining them..." She tilted her head in thought, "You know now that I say it outloud it sounds really weird."

Rufus chuckled a bit and shook his head, "It seems utterly ridiculous."

"What about you?"

"Huh?"

"I guess that's a stupid question... you inheirited ShinRa when Seph killed your dad didn't you?" Suddenly she stopped and blushed apologetically, "I.. I'm sorry I didn't mean... oh god I'm so stupid."

He waved a hand to dispel her guilt, "Don't worry about it, he was never really much of a father to me anyway."

"ok umm...." 'mustchangesubjectmustchangesubjectnustcha-' "Hey how about this store?"

"Yeah sure."

***

"The arcade?" Elena asked looking up at where they had stopped.

"Yeah o'course!" Reno said opening the door to the backseat for Sephiroth, "Com'on Seph I'll show you Galaga, great classic game." The boy cheered jumping out of the car.

"Don't you think they wanted us to take to play outside.. like in a park or something? You know something more active?"

"Ahh come on Elena I'm sure they take him out all the time. Now it's time to work on some of that hand-eye coordination," He smiled as though this was nobel pursuit.

"Yeah right, you probably just want to try and beat that adventure game again... which one is it?"

"Dungeons & Dragons," He put and arm around her shoulder and lured her into the arcade, "Come on Elle, I'll let you be the elf chick..."

"Fine..."

***

"Got I hate needles," Ralena shuddered as they left the hospital.

"Well it's over and done with now," Vincent smiled taking her hand. "So what would you like to do?"

"Why Mr.Valentine are you suggesting a date?"

He grinned, "You could say that."

***

Ferra watched the red head and the man-monster as they mounted the chocobo and rode away. 'Well isn't that interesting...' she thought. Her blue eyes narrowed as she pushed her sunglasses back on her face. She would find out where they lived then she would leave town... there was the small matter of her mother to attend to before she delt with these people.

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Hika-chan: Wet Reno in a towel *drool*
Sephiroth: *pointing at HC* 'Lena she scares me
Ralena: That's ok Sephiroth.. she scares us all...
Yuffie: Hey Hika-chan Can I get Reno back sometime soon?
Ralena: I don't think she can hear you. *takes Seph away from the scary lady*
HC: *in la-la bishonen land* ohh maybe I should make them go swimming or something. Then I can get Rufus an... well Vincent porbably wouldn't but it's worth a shot!
Yuffie: You do realize we don't have a pool right?
HC: Ohh nooo...
Yuffie: Anyway shouldn't you save all that stuff for a less serious fic?
HC: Come on.. you can't tell me you don't wanna see some shirtless bishonen running around ^_~
Yuffie: *blushes* Well that's beside the point!
HC: *rubs her hands together grinning evilly* Don't worry I got some good stuff planned
Yuffie: Great that probably means I'm gonna get killed or something...Anything for the DRAMA!
HC: BTW the prank on Yuffie goes out to all my BHC buddies!! And the D&D arcade game obviously goes out to my D&D buddies!! and Galaga to my bro!! You know who you are (if you're even reading this anyway!)
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