Arachnid (2001)

   Why didn't I learn after suffering through Spiders? Do I? No, I have to go out and rent another giant spider movie. Brian Yuzna, Re-animator, produced this travesty and should be ashamed he let his name on this film. Although it was better then that lackluster "SPIDERS", this film was just plain STUPID!

   A very obvious story-line, Of course we must give thanks to the 13 no name companies that helped make this film. I kid you not, 13 different companies actually WORKED on this film, 5 minutes went by and THEY WERE STILL SHOWING THE COMPANY NAMES! Then I thought I was going to be treated to a good film due to the opening sequence had the sounds wizzing around my head. But alas, it wouldn't last, some guy crashes and then an scientific expedition goes in to find out what caused some guy to get sick. Now we have a big bimbo as the lead (one of the reasons this film got 2 skulls) we have a guy who looks like one of those guys you think you have seen in about 600 other movies when you really haven't. we have a doctor who I couldn't understand a single fucking word coming out of his mouth, a blonde austrailian girl who was annoying, Kaplan, who was, in my opinion, the only character who I really gave a rats ass about. Then they go off and we are introduced to yet 6 more characters, one of the indians on the plane looked like he had fucking marker on his face AND HE WAS WEARING A BATHING SUIT!!!! BATHING SUIT! Yeah, that is a real common thing for natives who don't speak any langauge but NATIVE to be walking around in a SURFERS bathing suit! They get there becasue there plane shuts down and they crash and now they are stranded.When one of the dipshit army men gets infected and ends up spitting out baby spiders, we then begin to think this might actually turn out good but alas after the middle of the film, this feeling shall pass you by. Reason being, you realize how stupid this film really is! Yeah, it REALLY goes down hill when they kill off Kaplan because I couldn't care if the rest of the people lived or died. ANd to explain the opening sequence, the main girl says she is there to find her brother when supposedly she NEVER EVEN WANTED TO GO THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE! THis film ends up having killed off almost every character, the main guy comes back with surfer dude native and they shoot the spider and it falls down on the spike and it dies, they get the girl out from the webbing and then they walk off, COURSE THERE IS ANOTHER SPIDER THAT WE SEE IN THE LAST FUCKING SHOT, but of course, they have to leave it open for a sequel. Then it just ends, hmmm did we forget that THEY CAN'T GET OFF THE ISLAND!?!?!?!? Wasn't that a major reason FOR THEM FUCKING STAYING THERE!?!?!?!?! But we don't care, because we have 13 fucking companies backing us! What a waste of fucking film and of my precious time! This film sucked and if not for the cool gore effects and the hot lead girl, this would have gotten 1 skull. My God I need to stop watching these fucking giant insect movies!  They are just killing me!

   I say, don't rent this film unless you are a die-hard spider fan. Everyone else, keep away at all costs, PURE SHIT! I am surprised the box didn't reek of the smell!

Overall Rating: D

Home am