Darkness Falls (2003)
Starring...Chaney Kley, Emma Caulfield, and Lee Cormie, (Don't get used to these names folks...this film killed there career!)
Directed by...a retarded chimp
My Rating:
Ok folks, I wasted my free pass on this piece of shit and all I can say...this is the longest 71 minutes of my life and I WANT THEM BACK!!! You have NO idea upon how PISSED off I am with this movie....oh God where to BEGIN WITH THIS!?!? Maybe with the idiotic scenes that try to be smart but are so stupid that it HURTS! Or maybe it's with the lame ass characters we get that do nothing more then spew out the same redundant line! OR MAYBE ITS THE FUCKING REDUNDANT LINE!!! "Stay in the Light" was said so many times, I thought that I was going to CRY! This movie was just AWFUL! And worst of all....it had SUCH potential! URG!!! WORDS CANT EXPRESS MY TRUE FEELINGS FOR THIS MOVIE!!!
When a woman gets brunt in her home many years ago that the kids call the tooth fairy, she begins to wear a metal mask to shield her from the light. She gets wrongfully accused for 2 kids disappearance and she vows to get revenge on everyone in the town. So now whenever you lose your final baby tooth...she will come and if you peek she will kill you! So some douche bag kid of course sees the woman and then runs out and tells his mommy.
"Stay in the light mom!" He says to her but doesn't think of PUTTING THE HALL LIGHT ON!!! OH NO!!! JUST KEEP THE BATHROOM LIGHT BURNING SO THAT YOUR ASS IS SAFE! So the boy's mother of course gets killed and the little boy gets blamed for the murder. 14 years pass and he is grown up. Now the girl who he was going to a dance with at the time calls him up and tells him that her BROTHER (who is about 5 years old) is having the same problem he had. (my question is, WHERE THE FUCK ARE HER PARENTS!!!) So he flys down there, and the kid tells him he knows the tooth fairy, and of course the tooth fairy begins killing people and this film went on and on...stupid scene after stupid scene...I think they did EVERYTHING in there power to make this film bad. Writers CANT be this fucking stupid!!!
Like the scene where the power goes out in the hospital...BUT THE ELEVATORS WORK!!! And how about in the police car when they could turn the sirens on but keep them off instead. OH! Don't forget the awesome killings! ALL OF WHICH ARE PRESENTED TO US IN A BEAUTIFUL "OFF-SCREEN" Ratio!!! Yeah, and you know all those pictures OF the tooth fairy?
Nothing but publicity bullshit photos...yeah...all we get is a 3 second shot of her face in all it's CGI glory....yeah...AND she only wears a black robe through out this whole thing. So...guess we got misled one again...or maybe the cock suckers who made this film PG-13 thought that showing her burnt chest was to graphic for the wittle 13 year old babies....cause damn us all to hell, we might actually be SCARED during a HORROR movie. So instead we get this lump of week old shit that still reeks like it just got freshly squeezed out of the dogs ass!
THERE IS NOTHING REDEEMING ABOUT THIS MOVIE!!! NOTHING!!!!
I say, AVOID AT ALL COSTS! This film was a waste of time, money and film. The Tooth Fiary can't be exposed to light? To bad the negatives for this movie weren't exposed to light for then I may have 71 minutes of my life back! FUCKING BASTARDS!!!! DROP DEAD!!!!
Special Guest Reviewers:
George Newman
"There is nothing I can say that will give this piece of shit justice..."
Jack Torrance
"I got a new slogon for this movie "Darkness Falls can go LICK MY BALLS!" Has a nice ring to it...."