Jet lag... keeps you awake... for long time... hehe... Worked on Leadership Symposium stuff all of today, you guys should go check out the website and attend it! I've worked so HARD!!!

Go register! NOW!

ok? good. bye!

And yet another all nighter... missing out on my time to be insane... hehe...but I think this one's the result of jet lag and better things to do than sleep more than it is due to finals. After all, the moments we are alive are the ones in which we are not sleeping no?

But I stayed up and I saw the sun rise from my roof. I've never done that before. Never checked to see that it was open and available to wander out of.... See the sun rise... I haven't done that since I was... in eighth grade? It's kinda like a sunset, only different. It's colder in the early morning, at least it is here in Berkeley... hehe... There's that chill that permeates the thickest clothing, it works its way inside and makes everything shiver in anticipation of the new day. It really wakes you up... makes me wish I were still in Taiwan. At my grandfather's house, we have a wide array of random animals. And this little bird... it's the most irritating thing, it'll sit there and squawk and scream and chirp at you. And yet when it goes to sleep at night, it's soooo peaceful and quiet. And then it wakes me up REALLY early in the morning with its chirping. It would have been nice to see HIM wake up... (hehe... or to WAKE him up =P)

I dunno. I think I'm weird. I like to watch people sleep. In sleep, people let down their guard. There's a vulnerability that is revealed that you usually don't get to see. All walls and restraints are down, and there's a... something. A kind of peacefulness about them, the rhythm of their breath or something. And watching them wake up is something else entirely. there's this stage in between sleep and awake... sort of like a befuddled groggy happy look (if they wake up on their own that is... hehe) and to watch that drowsy meandering turn into complete wakefulness is very interesting. Too bad I don't get to see it very often.. hehe I'm usually sleepung =P But the few times I have... it's quite an amazing transformation, the lines that aren't in a face in sleep show up in wakefulness. and though they are relaxed and rested, people are always on guard. Or so it seems...

Mencius said that all men are innately good, and that "evilness" is a learned characteristic.

hsun Tzu said that all men are innately evil, and that "goodness" is abnormal in humans.

Given all that happens in the world, sometimes, I can't help but think that perhaps Hsun Tzu was right, that we are all born evil, only to turn "good" with the pressure of society... but I mean, if you witness someone sleeping, you seem them in one of the most natural states a person can be in. And according to Lao Tzu, in the natural state, all things are revealed. It makes it easy to believe that "meaness" is an affectation that is learned. And while it makes me feel good to think that we are innately good, it makes me sad that so many people have learned to be not so good. What would cause that? Family? friends? society? movies? pride? greed?

As my mom said... you can only strive to be the best person you can be. We can only hope everyone else is striving as well.

wow that was a rondom long entry... maybe I should try out this sleep thing... it's 8 am... night! morning! whatever!

so I wasted a day. I don't know what I was doing but none of it was on my LONG list of things to do. gah! ah wells.. that's ok. but YAYAYAYA!!!! I'm so excited! my parent group is complete! Me and wennie and howie and vince are parenting together! WHOO HOO!!!! =D that's all! I needed to share =P

I wrote something and updated it on the 10th.. but I guess I never updated it to the site... doh.. I guess it'll have to wait for my next trip to taiwan. doh.

I flew back to the States today. And guess who picked me up at the airport?! My little bunny Eddie... Awww... thanks bunny =) I thought I was gonna hafta take a shuttle back from SFO. And THEN, the little bunny came over to my apartment and helped me fix my computer and my door and all sorts of stuff! =D Now I can send and receive stuff on AIM! How COOL is that?!

I know I know... but I am a very easy person to keep happy. =) you know what they say... simple minds, simple pleasures. hehe... kinda funny... my uncle was saying the same thing about his daughter the other day. Mei Mei is four, and she is happy ALL the time. we sat for maybe 2 hours playing with a shiny little sachet of fragrances. And I'd just pick it up and swing it around and she'd giggle and laugh like it was the most amazing thing in the world. Her dad commented on her perpetual happiness and then made another comment about how she found everything funny and happy, and how it must be a result of how simple-minded she was. And he then demonstrated her simpleness... by asking her "Mei Mei... what's 3+4?" and she furrowed her brows and concentrated really hard and counted on her fingers "one... two... three... four... five... Five daddy?" She looked sooo sweet... and then he just chuckled and asked her to count again. And she furrowed her brows and came up with 7, and then 6. I know it sounds mean of her dad, and she's only four, but you have to understand, but he loves her to pieces. It's just that her brother was completely different. I swear, Dennis must've known his multiplication tables by the time he was 4. But her love of EVERYTHING just made me smile.

Kids are incredible aren't they?

AS for what I did over break...
Taiwan was really fun and relaxing for the most part. I got to eat A LOT of REALLY good food. like A LOT. papayas, and buddha's heads, and dragon eyes, and all these japanese buffets, and lobsters and crabs, and sushi, and bolba, and pig feet, and chicken butts, and passion fruits, and roast beef, and mutton, and oranges! and that ba wan, and the noodles, and crepe suzettes, and shark, and caviar, and rice balls, and cookies, and just lots of food. I think I must have gained 10 lbs. hehe.. so much for having gotten thinner huh? =P we drove around the southern tip of taiwan. I secured a high-paying job for when I graduate (if I decide that I want to teach in taiwan that is... I doubt it, but it's nice to know the option's there) I hung out a lot with my mom, I trained a lady in mommy-care, I watched Ocean's 11 and Vanilla Sky, I watched a lot of HBO, went on a shopping spree at SOGO (this japanese department store that my dad has a LOT of gift certificates for), decided I should try sashimi (and then chickened out), hiked up a mountain while pushing a wheelchair, read a coupla books, remembered some childhood dreams, oh! turned 21! =D, redecorated a room, drove around in a car on the streets of taiwan (scary!), met some really fancy rich people (those fancy rich types scare me), worked a bit on my website, did some thinking, did some crying and recovery, talked on AIM, met up with my students from the summer, met up with my ex-coworkers, had tea, went to the night market, and worked on some school stuff. wow,. I didn't realize I did so much!

I'm just glad the lady for my mom turned out to be pretty good... i think she'll do a pretty good job, as long as she stays as attentive as she was when I was there... I felt bad as I was leaving... cuz she turned to me and she told me that she didn't have any friends in Taiwan, and I was the only one she had, and I was leaving... and she was sad... =T She's really nice. I hope she doesn't leave. She seems to have a good heart and good intentions.

You know what I've realized? The older you get the more people you lose... Strange how that never occurred to me before. It's logical though. The older you are, the more time in which to lose people... also the more people you know TO lose. Today, I was told that my friend Loan passed away in a car accident. I don't think I have quite gotten over the shock of it yet.

She was a good person. I'll miss her... her laughs and her smiles and her hugs...

Life is so fickle.

One minute everything is fine, you're ok, driving along to another place, and the next minute... you're not so ok anymore. In Taiwan, the news is on 24/7. Everyday there is a fatal car accident. Everyday there is a new murder. Everyday there is another kidnapping. Everday there is another person who finds out s/he has AIDS. And we go by everyday oblivious. We're so caught up in our own lives. So caught up in everything that we are involved in-- the trivial things of everyday life that we take for granted that these other people no longer have. Is ignorance bliss? Maybe it is. As long as you are unaware of the awful things happening on a daily basis, the world is a beautiful place. And if we remained unaware, we would not have a cure for any of the diseases in the world. We would have no organizations like APO that would be there to help others in need. We're so caught up in our own lives...

It's strange how it doesn't even seem real. It's not real... not really... not until you say it out loud. It's the same with liking a guy... Sure you like him in your head... but up until the point you say it out loud to someone else you could always say the attraction never existed. Ok... well not exactly the same. It just possesses the same surreal quality... but once it come out of that surreality, it hits you like a rock. You'll never see them again. Never again. Death is so...final.

It's at times like these that you are fully aware of your own mortality.
It's at times like these that you truly savor and appreciate life.
It's at times like these that you remember to live life the way it should be lived every single day of the rest of your life.

We try to remember.. or at least I do... but sometimes you can't help but forget... and things happen to jolt you back into remembering... it's too bad we need the reminders.

Thanks Loan for making my life better by knowing you... and for the reminder.

poor me... turned one year older today... and... nothing happened. how sad. Nobody to play with. No cake. no song. nothing. how sad. But I'm too old to care right?

anyway, moving on... it's been a long time since I updated... since last year actually. I've been putting it off since the Internet access at my grandpa's is old and slow... 56K... it's a TURTLE! man am I spoiled or what? First ethernet then DSL... none of this modem junks!

So I've come to Taiwan for Christmas break... and it's kind of... different I think from the last time I was here. For one thing, my mom's here, and so is my brother. Although my bro will only be here for a few more days. And also, I'm not working this time around. My older brother was here until yesterday, and we as a family took a trip around the tip of southern Taiwan. We stayed in this AWESOME hotel with like a sauna and a huge tub and a shower and a living room and TWO bathrooms and TWO tvs, a king sized bed, and a parlor! OMG!that's not a hotel room!it's a HOUSE! but yeah.. it was a little excessive, but fun. =) I think I like the entire sauna thing... I want one in MY apartment! Whaddya say jess?

We also did this family bonding thing... we sat down and watched a video together for 45 minutes... hehe... the most popular VCD in taiwan now... (for those of you who know what I'm talking about that is... hehe)

anyway... my mom wants the computer now... I'll update more when I get back to the states I guess... ciao!