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I was so proud of being able to write my weekly report in Chinese. But I think I will revert to English. Too many problems are coming out of my inability to be "polite" with the damn language.
I don't think I have ever been yelled at for doing something without "thinking about it". Am I supposed to report every single little step of every little thing I do? I do things the way I see that they should be done, and I don't see the need of telling my supervisor every single step of the way I take to get there. I ask if I have questions, and I don't ask if there is no need to. I report what happened during the week in my weekly report and then I carry on.
Also, if I don't have to type a lot in Chinese, I won't. So I hit the key points and leave out the details. The important part of anything is the result, or at least that's what they keep telling me in this company. But then, I guess my use of the language made my supervisor not look so good. All of a sudden I'm being told that I have "problems" and that my "problem" is that I don't report every little detail. I will have items 1-5, but I'll only report at points 1, 3, and 5. 2 and 4 disappear and then "how are they supposed to help me"? that makes me "hard to work with."
I think that's the first time I've ever been told that too...
And the funny thing is in the end, after being interrogated about the situation, the answer I came up with was the same answer she would have come up with anyway. But still, I'm hard to work with and I have "problems".
Actually I do have problems. I have two major ones.
1) I hate being micromanaged. I'm an intelligent, thinking human being.
2) I hate people trying to make me feel stupid. That's what they do best here. And they wonder why their employee base is so unthinking... it's because if any of them try to show any initiative, they stomp on them and they nip the initiative in the bud. People will believe what you tell them if you tell them often enough. But I have a fault. I'm stubborn when it comes to my confidence in myself. I am damn good and you're damn lucky to have me.
I work well and efficiently (except for when I'm distraught) given a direction to work in. But I do hate having to report every little step of everything I do. It's inefficient and it wastes my time and theirs.
But. I can do it. If you tell me how you want to micromanage me, I can accomodate you. But not if you keep giving me mixed messages about how you want me to operate. One minute it's "why are you asking me all these questions? I can't do your job for you. You can't be dependent on me for everything." and the next, it's "Why don't you consult me for every step of the way?" How the HELL is ANYONE supposed to figure out what you want from them? really... truly. It makes me want to cry. I don't like being yelled at, it makes me work extremely inefficiently. And then they talk about it in front of me. "yeah, shelley's so dumb. It's a communication thing. That is the problem." Shit. The two women who supervise us then sit there in front of us and comfort each other about how they have to work with such stupid people.
The other day I heard from them, "This new generation of employees, they really 'know how to talk'. They'll say that they're doing what I told them to do. Does that mean it's MY fault?" YES, MCFLY!!! THAT DOES MEAN IT'S YOUR FAULT! If you told us to do it, and we do it, does that mean it's OUR fault?
We are obedient ants following the leaders. If we think, we get yelled at. If we don't think, we get yelled at. We have to trod the fine line of thinking and not thinking at the whim of the supervisor. I have two options left: quit or resign myself to being yelled at.
I hate being yelled at, especially if I really don't see anything wrong with what I did.
But I committed myself to four years of this... WTF was I thinking?
At least I'll be leaving here soon.
God Bless America.
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