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February 28, 2002


"I give up"

-- me

Ok.. I give up on trying to update until sunday... tooo dang busy! GAHHHHH!!! note to self-- write about the following:

1) interfamily mixer #1
2) sushi making with nancy
3) RPP session
4) essay editing for regan


February 27, 2002


"...put a quarter up your *ss because you just played yourself"

-- Kool G Rap
(I hope I quoted this right... =T)

Soooo tired... I keep sneaking out of hip hop before they make me rhyme... I dunno... maybe I should stay nextt ime but rapping in front of large group of people scares me. =T

Hung out with gnome today. it was sooo much fun! I've missed him! =)


February 26, 2002


"Kindness is a language the dumb can speak and the deaf can hear and understand."

-- Christian Nestell Bovee

Spent all of today working on the survival guides...very proud of the idea if I do say so myself. It was kinda random... came up with it last night... hehe... so tired... I walked a blister into my foot today. I walked ALL the way to Beads and Baubles today.. it's that store up by shattuck and virginia. ALL The way from blake and ellsworth! SOOOOO far!!! and I was wearing these cute sandals because I wanted to show off my cute new toe ring... but but but... ::sigh:: didn't think I'd walk so far... poor toe.

Something struck me today... David is a really good guy. I dunno... sometimes I feel bad. I like to watch people and to see how they react under certain circumstances. Just to get a gauge of who they are. So as a result, I stop myself from helping where I would otherwise do so.

My kid david isn't very outspoken, and is pretty laid back. And today outside of 220 wheeler, there was a guy, who wanted to say something, but was handicapped, which made it difficult for him to talk. No one paid him any mind, none at all except for david. I've talked with this guy a couple times before. It takes a lot of patience and a lot of effort to figure it out. I've seen people brush him off because they got frustrated, I've seen people try a little bit and then get someone else to help. (That's usually how I get to talking with the guy to begin with). But I wanted to see what david would do. So I hung out and watched. David was sooo patient. I was really very impressed. He sat there for a good 15-20 minutes trying to figure out what was wanted. All in all.. I'm proud to say that he is my kid.

aiight... midterm tomorrow, and since i'm not studying for it, I might as well go to sleep and at least be awake for it =) g'night

love you wittle dragons!


February 24, 2002


"We never know the love of the parent till we become parents ourselves."

-- Henry Ward Beecher

Oh my... I've been suffering webpage withdrawal.. so many memories I wanna capture... and I've had no time to capture em! gah!

so here I goes...

I have kids now!!! 14 of them! YAY!!!!! GOOOOO DRAGONS!!!! I love my children! each and every one. It's really funny how happy my kids and littles can make me. Whenever I'm down... if I just think about my littles or my kids... I just get a BIG smile on my face. It's like... they're my panacea. So many cute little dwagons.. SOO adowabo.=D And we started dragon slayers. I was soooo happy at the after sib social thing. I mean, we didn't quite have EVERYTHING finished just because we didn't have any real time... but but but... everyone stayed (except for sonia, but that's because she had to leave early to begin with) until I finished laminating the dragonslayer cards and yah.. just that EVERYONE was there. EVERYONE (including hans, alice's bf) stayed until we were done. and that wasn't until 1 o'clock.. and you don't understand HOW mucht hat meant to me. It's kinda funny really how much little things liek that can affect me. But just that they cared enough to stay until then just made me SOOOO happy. SOOO happy.

My kids are the bestest, AND the smartest! we're all so smart! =) Kinda makes me worry though... a lot of em are taking like 5 classes or something, and pledging at the same time. I hope they will be okay... =T I love my kids... aww.. kids...

spent a lot of time since I last updated on the kids... nametags and slayer cards and rosters... just lots and lots of stuff... making stuff takes long time =P. But it was all worth it! awwww... KIDS! ::grins broadly::

saw Sweet November with keanu reeves and charlize theron last night. it was really good. I liked it... (at least the screen play... can't say much for keanu's acting ability) but whatevers.. is all good..

life is good (except for all that school stuff!) WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


February 19, 2002

State of mind: hard to describe
Time of night: 12:26 AM
What I want from life: who knows

I don't know a lot of things. Uncertainty is setting in again.. the first time since last semester. I thought I had figured myself out again. But I was wrong... not quite there... almost not quite. Still a bit of instability hanging out there I think... my poor poor brain. I feel so sorry for it. All these things that happen. And they're all stupid dumb things.. whatever. I can handle it. =)

Coping


February 18, 2002


"rock-a-bye baby... on the tree top..."

-- someone sleepy
(sorry.. I'm delirious right now... making random quotes up... hehe...)

oh my.. I just had a six day weekend! SIX DAYS!!! of WEeKEND! it's like... that's spring break right there! only in the middle of the school year! whoo hoo!!! =) Didn't do much this weekend. My friends went to vegas and lost lots of money!! lots and lots! and they went clubbing and had lots of fun!

today I was on a drive with Puff, one of my co-parents. We talked a lot, and I hadn't really gotten a chance to talk to him until today. And so it's good that we talked cuz I mean, gonna be talking to him for the rest of the semester (hopefully that is, otherwise it'd mean that parent communication was bad.. and that's not cool).

Had a great weekend. wish I could be more descriptive here, but I won't be. =P ooh!!! isn't that a taunting thing for me to say? I'm so mean! hehe... =)

aiight dudes... night


February 14, 2002


"Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need..."

-- Bette Midler
The Rose

Valentine's Day... the day where all the lucky people in the world get together with their "significant other" and profess their love for each other. You walk down the street and notice all the hand-holding and cuddling, and smooching... and you can't help but feel envious.

But then you think of all the people who ARE currently in a relationship, and they're in the middle of a fight. On valentine's day... that's gotta suck worse than being single. Watching all the "happy couples" and thinking... I COULD be one of them... but my pride keeps me from apologizing, and so I'm not...

What a depressing holiday...I think I'll stay home.


February 13, 2002


"Poppies.... Poppies... Sleeeeeeep....Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep"

-- The Wicked Witch of the West,
The Wizard of Oz

Had my first exam of the semester today. It went... alright. =T

working on so little sleep... but in studying for exam.. learned so much. I should study more.... what I'm studying is sooo interesting too!!! OH OH!!! I got into all my classes! YAY!! INCLUDING the hip hop de-cal! although.. I'm not too sure about this "flow" thing... but that's alright.. whatevers =) ::hug:: I go sleep now... working on sooo little sleep.


February 11, 2002


"To thine own self be true."

-- Shakespeare's Polonius, Hamlet

Have you ever experienced that pang of feeling? The one that says, "YOU, sweetheart, are just not what they want... you my dear, are unwanted, you are tolerated by the goodness of everyone else's hearts. so just make their lives better and leave. Find another group. stop bothering them." it's so hard sometimes... when this feeling kicks in... it's hard.

I go through this self-evaluatory thing every so often. and I try to see how much I've grown as a person. With this impending new years, I figured it was time for yet another one. Learned some new stuff about myself. This past semester changed me a lot, in a lot of different ways. I still don't know if I like it yet... perhaps it will take time to get used to.. and in the meantime, there will be a few insecurities there as I try to figure out how I interact with people. hopefully with time they will leave and I will be happy with me once more.

My interview yesterday went well. I hope I get the job. I need a change.

1 hour later...

look at this! it's my profile from Colorgenics it's craaazy!

You are striving for a life full of activity and experience, and perhaps what is even more, an environment where you would be able to forge a close bond with a person who can offer full emotional fulfilment.

You are trying to improve your position and prestige, be it in your life or in your workplace.. Things are, at this time, OK. But they could be better. You feel that it is essential that you breakdown any opposition that could possibly lurk in the shadows ... You know that you are quite capable of achieving this set goal because you have to and because it is essential to your self esteem.

Loneliness is soul destroying and at this time you feel lost and lonely, perhaps it is because you feel so frustrated that you are prepared to go out of your way to become emotionally involved with someone who could accept you for what you are ... You are egocentric, antagonistic and quick to take offence, although it must be said, you can control your pent-up up emotion and thus avoid open conflict.

Presently, you are experiencing stress because of restriction on your independence. You need and seek respect from other people and it is essential that they appreciate you for yourself and not for what they would like you to be. You have your own beliefs and convictions and you would like to be respected for them. You are anxious to avail yourself of every opportunity that may come your way but nevertheless, come what may, you have the need to control your own destiny without imposed limitations or restrictions.

You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way .. and to get on in the world simply by your hard work and determination.

wow... that's pretty close...


February 10, 2002


"We are born believing. A man bears beliefs, as a tree bears apples."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

10:39 AM

In exactly 2hrs and 21 minutes I will be in an interview that will determine what I will be doing for the next year. wish me luck.

yesterday afternoon, I was supposd to go study, but got caught online. and then I took a nap... the nap was a little weird. Or... no. the nap itself wasn't weird... just the dream. It kinda made me think... a bit... but anyway, you don't want to hear about all this me thinking bit without knowing what the dream was about. So. I just remember the end of it... my friend that I haven't seen in a while (I can't remember who...) but it was my friend... and s/he was reminding me of something I had said a long time ago. S/he said, "I asked you once what would happen if we ever drifted apart... if you would remember me and think of me fondly, or if you would forget... and you told me that you would seek me out. Where are you? where have you been? Why am I alone?"

At that point jessica walked into the apartment, and called my name and woke me up. If she didn't, my dream probably would have been forgotten. The thing is.. I kind of remember saying that to a friend once.... if I lost him/her, I would remember and seek them out, I would find them and make sure they were ok... I don't remember if this happened in a previous dream or if it actually happened. And I know... there have been many friendships I've had, and I've met many people over the years... and I know I've had an impact on some of them. In a few cases I know I've changed their lives and the way they see things. But this impact... it didn't take much on my part. I was just their friend. Until, I changed schools and we drifted apart, I would take care of them... I get the feeling this person in my dream was one of those people. One of those that I lost touch with once I changed schools. And it's really bothering me. Why would I randomly dream of him/her? Who was it? I don't really believe in things like the telepathy and stuff... but I do believe in the supernatural. I believe in karma. I believe in the idea that there are things out there that we can't explain. I don't really kow what to do. I want to look and find him/her. But I don't know who s/he is. I have so little time as it is... and I COULD just let it lie...but I think it would scare me and really make me feel like sh*t if a day, a week, a month, a year from today I find that my friend passed away. And it would be a hundred times worse if it was a suicide... one that maybe if I had followed up on this dream I maybe could have prevented. It's difficult... not too sure what to do. Perhaps it is only a dream...