-- One of my elementary school teachers
1:27 AM
state of mind: so sad...
everyone is leaving me... =( My dad left two days ago... my brother's leaving tomorrow... and my primary AIM chat partner is going to China... =( SO sad... but but... I guess it's ok, because pretty soon, I'm gonna start getting really really busy. For all of my stalkers out there.. here is my new schedule... starting july 7, it's gonna be:
and that will be my day... m-th... oh well.. dance is only on TTh... but you get the idea. it's really funny... because I started the summer htinking it'd be all kickback with nothing to do.... but I've found I'm REALLY good at occupying myself... too many days with nothing to do.. I get bored. REALLY REALLY bored. I mean.. once in awhile I need just chill time... I'm also really looking forward to aerobics starting. I am in SUCH bad bad bad shape... SOOOO bad. hopefully by the end of summer I'll be all fit and stuff... but I haven't been doing a very good job of getting myself into shape... been eating a WHOLE lot lately.
wow.. looking back.. it's been a long time since I updated... new addition to my life that I haven't mentioned... I was working at my dad's office... and I'm talking to this patient that I've known for ... LONG time now.. 3? 4? 5? years? just been at the office too long I think. Anyhow, I'm talking to her.. and this is what she says
Mrs. Chu: So what are you majoring in?
Me: hopefully Psychology.
Mrs. Chu: oh really? and what are you going to do with that?
Me: hmm.. i'm not too sure.. but I figure I can use it anywhere... maybe I'll go to dental school
(Mr. Wang, another patient, jumps in here)
Mr. Wang: You're a PSYCHOLOGY major?!?! there is SUCH a BIG market for psychology majors!
Me: uh... since when? where are you looking at?
Mr. Wang: you can become a speech and language pathologist!!! they make SOOO much money!
Me: oh really? and what exactly do they do?
Mr. Wang: they just help people work with language. we took my son to an SLP and it was $100/hour! and they actually worked with him for 10 min! it' was ridiculous!
Me: uh.. ok..
the conversation proceeds.. he talks a lot about his kid. Turns out eugene is autistic, and they're looking for a new tutor fo the summer to work with him... and he asks me if I'm intersted.. and I'M all.. uh that's a big responsibility.. I'm really afraid I'll not be able to handle it.. I mean.. a regular little kid is easy. No problem. I can play with little kids... but a child with autism is another story entirely. I mean... what if I don't understand what he's saying? But somehow I got myself agreeing to tutor Eugene.. I think it'll be a really good experience. I just hope the parents don't regret convincing me... I'll do my best.. and we'll see what I learn this summer. =) I start tutoring tomorrow... I'm really excited.. although.. I'm not too sure what exactly I'm going to teach yet... that's for the morning time I guess.. we'll see... wish me luck!
--prayer of R'hllor,
11:58 PM
state of mind: eh...
So.. it's been almost a week without an update... it feels like such a long time! anyhow... so I've been working this past week or so... dad comes home.. and works us to the bone.. but.. can't really complain.. since he works himself in the exact same way... but I guess I'm just not used to it. hmm.. when I sat down to the computer I had SOOOO many fun stories to tell... but now I've forgotten... =T
quick recap on summer thus far...
watched insomnia, undercover brother, the bourne identity, and bad company... hung out at the spectrum... at LEAST 5 times... went to downtown disney... and Disneyland and California Adventure... had my car taken away.. ::sniff:: finished off the myst series.. and currently finishing off A Storm of Swords (soooo good) gonna read that etiquette book.. hopefully and the seven habits... need to clean out that closet thing... clean my room... hung out a bit with devin and christine and kelly and makie and emi and jan and dave.
An amusing story:
So I was at the office.. and there's this guy that's been to see my dad since.. forever... I think the first time I met him would have been ... my sophomore year in high school... like... 5 years ago... wow.. that's a long time... anyhow.. I was maybe... 16 then? and he was 20? or something? I dunno... but anyway.. I used to tease and torment him endlessly... especially when he was getting his wisdom teeth pulled. I just sat there and told him how painful it looked and described the blood gushing out and oh man... I was SO not nice... anyhow.. so like the amusing part of all this.. he drops by the office.. uhm.. yesterday. and he comes in.. and gets his teeth checked and we proceed in our usual banter, and he leaves. And after my dad and I pack up... he says.. "so... shelley.. that david chang... he's a very eligible young man... why don't you date him??" OMG!!!! hooking me up with his patients?! it's SOOOO funny!!! anyhow... that's all.. hehe... but I must admit... david IS quite good looking.. and nice.. and fairly successful... and intelligent... but... eh... I dunno... I don't think he's my type in terms of personality... =P poo!!! ok.. I think I will return to reading my book. work tomorrow! aiyah!
--Fantine,
Les Miserables
10:32 PM
state of mind: starting to stress
Today has been interesting... one of the more stressful days thus far into summer... ::sigh:: ergh... just need to get it together. Gosh I hate myself. ::sigh::
2:43 AM
state of mind: scattered
So... my computer is acting up.. or hrm... more.. nicholas' computer is acting up.. not letting me connect to the internet and all.. spent today watching a lot of TV... hehe... daddy came home yesterday... and he woke up later than ME!!! at like.. 2pm or something... then we went shopping for food with which to fill up the newly cleaned refrigerator and then bummed around a bit.. then I helped him cook... after a lot of tv.. been watching alot of tv.. OH YES! and I registered for two classes: a social dance class and an aerobics class... hehe.. it should be fun =) I'm really looking forward to the dance class =)
but on TV.... I have now gotten the chance to watch.. dun dun dun! My first episode of SMALLVILLE! yes! finally! and the first episode of gilmore girls, and everybody loves raymond and spin city... and just shoot me... and suddenly susan... all these new sitcoms! oh, and elimidate and the 5th wheel.. and street smarts? wow... lots of new shows for me. imagine.. sitting in front of the television for almost five hours! I haven't done that since... elementary school! quite amzing that I can sit still for that long. It's also amazing how much people don't like their parents anymore in these sitcoms... gosh.. I hope my kids like me when I'm old and decrepit. I'm also reading the Covey book on the 7 habits... amazing how all his priciples are confucian. I mean.. he's sold maybe 10 million+ books in the united states.. and it's based on chinese philosophy. goes to show.. chinese people are COOL!
I finished the Myst books today. Read it in virtually one sitting. Wish I could do that with my textbooks. Tried playing Starcraft and beating the zerg... lost again. Start up work tomorrow (thursday) at dad's office. I was going to go to sleep tonight without updating... but while I was watching elimidate, two things made me think, and that always makes me wanna update. =P
1) dude... whoever came up with the idea of 4 girls trying to impress one guy... had to be.. like 15. And I genuinely hope that everything that goes on on those shows is scripted.. because... I didn't know there were so many b*tchy women out there.
2) I was watching these late night shows.. and then a commercial came on about schizophrenia. (side note.. More research is being done these days.. and It hink in the next year or so... the illnesses in the DSM-IV are going to start being covered by health insurance.) Anyhow, the commercial showed a man pushing his kids on a swing at the park, and his family was around him, and he was thinking about what the doctor told him... that he had schizophrenia, and that some of the things around him were really a delusion, and that he wasn't really hearing all the voices he was hearing... and then at the end of the commercial the man was pushing an empty swing... as if his family were never there to begin with. As a kid, that was one of my greatest fears... or more... one of the things I thought about a lot. What if everything I was experiencing I wasn't really experiencing? Like.. in my dreams, I always thought I was experiencing things, and the characters in my dreams thought THEY were experiencing things until I woke up. But what if my entire life were a dream? The dream in the head of a big giant. And once this giant woke up, I would disappear. I mean in my dream, I always felt I had the years and years of actual life when in reality the span of a dream never lasts for more than 10 minutes. So what if, my life weren't really my life at all... but the ten minute fantasy of a big giant?
And I was sitting there, watching the 1:30 AM showing of Street Smarts and I was trying to figure out why a commercial on schizophrenia brought up this wacky childhood idea. and in the middle of Santa Claus Dan not knowing what calamari was, I figured it out. I guess... that's what I think the guy in the commercial felt is what I imagined finding out that I was only a dream would feel like. Not QUITE the same, as merely the figment of an imagination, I would disappear never to know what it "felt like" but to have everything you took for gratned and thought was real suddenly disappear... and to be told you're crazy, and that your lifelong companions were merely "delusionary." That would be so upsetting. Sometimes I wonder... I read all these texts about "crazy people" or in the more PC manner... "people who are mentally disabled" and I wonder... what it's like to be in their world. To be viewed as a person with schizophrenia, or a child with autism, or a aged woman with delirium. I mean.. what they're feeling... do they even KNOW that there's a problem? I'm sure some of them do. the High functioning autistics definitely know that something's up... but it's like... we come up with all these medicines and treatments... but in the end is it beneficial? I mean do they even WANT the treatment? If you're a single man with schizophrenia... would it be kinder to let you stay in a world where you HAVE friends and a family, and kids and a wife? Or to drag you to a world where it is very possible you have no one at all... They say that living is a state of mind. if you believe something... then it's true. if only to yourself.
We think that it is important to bring people back to "normality." but who's to say what normal is? WE think that our reality is "reality," but is it the best reality for everyone? If I lived in a world where I was surrounded by loved ones... I'd rather stay there than return to a world where I had no one. Can't imagine what it'd be like to be diagnosed as "Obsessive-compulsive" or diagnosed with ADHD... I get the feeling that it'd be similar to the feeling that a person with a physical handicap would feel. One of the worst feelings in the world. But who knows what the mentally ill feel... many times, they are incapable of telling us. But I know how I'd feel. Or I know how I think I'd feel. Everytime someone came to see me, I'd feel like a monkey in a cage. I'd see people coming to look at me and point and stare and laugh. And I don't think I'd be able to stand it. Leave me in my world... at least I'm happy there.
When I was a little kid, my parents would "show me off" to their friends. You know, traditional asian parents... Shelley... play the piano for uncle blah blah blah now... oh sweetie... play a nice little violin piece. Show auntie blah blah blah how you can do the splits... I hated it. with a passion. I hated being the little monkey performing the little tricks... And I don't know hwere this was going.. I think it was one of my many tangents that my brain went off on... aiyah... it's late.. time for bed.... wonder when this will actually get posted.
-- Undercover Brother
12:55 AM
state of mind: sleepy
So.. yes.. updating at home is difficult.. but eh... I'mworking on it. Saturday was nicholas' prom... he looked sooo cute and grown up in his tux! yes.. he now owns a tux.. it cost him a total of one $20 gift card that he obtained for free! is that the best deal or what? hehe.. I swear.. him and his girlfriend get things for the cheapest prices. it's CRAZY. Anyhow. I went out with kelly today and we watched undercover brother and walked around downtown disney. SOOOOO random. gotta love kelly.. he's like I dunno.. one of the easiest people to get along with. any of you guys who don't know him should get to know him. =) AND he works at blizzard! AND is gonna get me a copy of the new Warcraft III!!! woo woo! tee hee hee!
this. is. bad. getting addicted to these rts games... is bad. ::sigh:: I KNEW I shouldn't have started... but now nicholas thinks I'm "cool" because I'm a girl, and I play starcraft. hehe... too bad I SUCK. anyhow... got two new books... the rest of the myst series. Still need to get a hold of the game. anyone wanna let me borrow it for the summer? =D
-- Louis K. Anspacher
2:35 AM
state of mind: content
watched Insomnia with Victoria... WOW.. sooo good. then again.. what do I know.. I don't really watch movies so I'm not much of a critic. But wow... SOOOO good. =D and then just spent the last two hours catching up. dude.. I love that girl =)
2:30 PM
state of mind: irritated
So yesterday I spent a whole mess of time at the hospital. And this just makes me want to go off on the uselessness of men once again. So my aunt, falls down and end up in the emergency room (no worries, she's fine... just needed a coupla stitches) but ok... so you know.. the first thing she does is call her husband like any other normal woman. and you have to understand, her husband does nothing all day. He sits at home and dreams that he's gonna write a book or something. BUt eh... basically he sits at home and watched tv. Anyhow, So my aunt calls him, and this conversation results
my aunt: I'm in the hospital... will you come see me?
my uncle: No... I'm uh.. doing something tonight.
my aunt: But I'm in the hospital all alone, and my co-worker doesn't want to leave me here by myself.
my uncle: I'm busy
so she has to call up her niece and nephew to relieve her co-worker of staying with her. it's like.. uh.. she feeds you and clothes you and cooks for you and cleans for you and all you do is stay at home doing NOTHING and you're "BUSY" when she's int he hospital?!?!? bastard! (I don't like him very much... can you tell?) Anyhow... that's not all.. so like I had made plans with my friend to go out last night around 8? or so? and at 8.. the doctor still hadn't put the stitches in, so I went home to meet up with my friends, and then went to the hospital to pick up my aunt and my cousin (no, I didn't just leave her at the hospital by herself, I p[icked up my cousin and dropped her off with her mom). notice that the husband doesn't even have the time to PICK HER UP FROM THE EMERGENCY ROOM! And I talked to my aunt's little boy afterward... my uncle was uhm.. watching tv.. that was his "business" for the night. And then (with my friends there) she wanted me to go and get the prescriptions and get her car and do all this stuff... and I mean.. I don't really mind. Or I wouldn't have minded if I didn't know that that lazy-*ss-good-for-nothing-bastard-who-calls-himself-her-husband was at home doing nothing. I mean. dude.. my friends were in the car.. it was already 9:30... we hadn't eaten dinner, were supposed to go for a movie and were stuck doing all this other stuff that we weren't supposed to be doing. I mean... I haven't seen toria in a good... 6? 7? 8? months? I don't remember the last time I saw her... and she's one of the few people that I've actually kept in touch with over the past 9 years of my life. Anyhow... men are useless good for nothing bastards.. that's the conclusion I've come to. I think my aunt should divorce him, but she's one of those "traditional will stay in the marriage for the priciple of marriage" kinda people.. ::sigh::
-- James Thurber
1:22 AM
state of mind: irrational
I just cleaned the pantry.. is ALLLMOST done... but but... can't seem to finish it up... too much... been cleaning it out for the better part of the time I've been awake today..
You know... I guess I'm a bit irrational at times... but I'm a girl.. I'm allowed to be irrational right? =D But it's so stupid because I so dislike irrationality, which may be why I am not liking this feeling of not being quite rational right now. I've discovered I'm usually most irrational when emotionally distraught. Thus if I get mad or upset or something, it's usually not a good idea to try and talk to me. Because I won't accept the rationality of your statements... best thing to do is prolly tell me.. "Well... you are currently being irrational... take a nap and I'll call you in the morning." Hehe.. of course if you say that you'd have to call me, or else I'd be mad again in the morning for you being flaky. and then I'll need another nap to bring me back to rationality. SO all this has nothing to do with the pantry. I suppose you've figured that out. It's interestiing this "you" business... talking to "you" whomever "you" may be... I've really lost track of who reads this thing... so I don;t really know who "you" are anymore... I know... "inga" reads this.. =) hi kiddo! and that's about it... maybe it's just you kiddo... =) in which case.. this is just a talk between me and you. Anyhow... I'm not making any sense right now... I'm just stream-of-conscious-ing my way through here..
So if I am currently feeling irrational, that must mean that I am emotionally distraught. And.. yes.. I suppose I am... although I don't really understand why I am. I really shouldn't be. No reason to be. But I guess... [edit edit take lots of things out] ::grumble mumble bumble:: Maybe I should just "play the field" for a while... but I'm not much of a player... any of you buddies of mine have any cute, smart, masculine taiwanese buddies you'd like to introduce to me? no??? thought not... ::sigh:: how depressing.
-- I forget who...
1:01 PM
state of mind: laaazy
So it's been a while since I've updated anything.. actually I could have done it at any point... as I really don;t have much to do, but it's sooo difficult on this computer... I've realized how lazy I've become.. I really like the convenience of my computer at home... where everything is so nice and neat, and just to easy to deal with. Here I have to view source, save, do this and that and the other thing before it actually works. Anyhow.. what have I done on my vacation? Well.. I've reached the last level of the terran missionsin starcraft... need to figure out how to beat it now... and then there are ONLY the rest of the zerg and protoss missions left. woo woo... ::sigh:: soooo difficult. But it's working... nicholas is having a great time laughing at me and giving me pointers on how to become a good starcraft player. hopefully I'll be able to learn... he came to check up on how I was playing last night, and he was all.. "dude shelley.. I was under the impression you were a starcraft genius or something! Got really good in a really short amount of time!" and THEN he said "But I was wrong.. you're really dumb and bad at this. You've got no guts." and I was all.. doh...
what else have I done? oh yes, I watched game 7, me and nicholas had a good time doing that too! =D woo woo!! go lakers! and then I watched the world cup last night where china played costa rica... I must say.. soccer has GOT to be one of the most boringest games to watch.. all it is is running back and forth across the field. no goals made... nothing. boring boring boring. although.. watching the ball bounce off of so many heads was quite entertaining. I just wish that China won =T.
Yesterday I cleaned out our fridge. Oh my.. there was stuff in there that... I don't even want to think about. But it's gone now... today's mission.. clean out the pantry. So much random stuff in there too.. plus canned foods only have a shelf life of 10 years... (woo woo!!! the things you learn at food banks!) so I think it's about time to throw out a lot of that stuff... =P
::HUG::
I'm in such a good mood! yay!!!!