Wow.. it's been a while... I've been to a coupla parties and a coupla other things in the interim. Went shopping the other day.. OH!! and I got stalked by this CREEEEEEPY guy from eat-a-pita! It was SOOO freaky! Oh dear... yeah.. and then lessee... spent lots of money on gifts.. I still have a LOT to go.. doh.. it sucks... ok.. melon's here.. time to go to So cal! whoo hoo!!!

Walking home today, I saw a little boy (maybe 4th, 5th grade) and he was leaving his house when his dad came rushing out. At first I thought it was like one of those random berkeley street bums you know? and then I heard him apologizing to the kid. Like, "Sorry, I didn't mean to... sorry I won't do it again..." or something, and then the little boy simply said, "it's ok." Like his father apologizing to him wasn't anything new. I don't know what it is about that scenario... but something about it struck me as wrong, or weird... I guess because my father never apologized to me. He never had any real reason to... at least not apologize like this boy's father was doing... makes you wonder what he could possibly have done that would warrant an apology such as that... and then for the kid to take it so nonchalantly... kinda wonder if this thing happened so often that it can be so easily brushed off... ::shrug:: I don't know...

It was odd.

I came across a revelation today, that I should have come across a LONG time ago... I'm not a party person. I just don't really like parties.. I don't function well in that type of an environment... It's kinda funny though, a lot of people that I meet expect me to be a real hard-core "partier." hehe.. I just like to dance... that's all.. not much of anything else... But it's like... I like parties where you hang out with people and talk and play games and just chill... maybe it's because I don't drink. Maybe these parties would be that much more amusing if I did... Ya gotta wonder sometime.. what would I be like drunk? what kind of a drunk would I be? Would I ever let myself GET drunk? I don't know... kinda curious though... Jess says I should try and get drunk once just to see what my limit is... hehe...

I think I've been to more parties this semester than I have all my previous semesters in A Phi O combined... I spent at LEAST twice as much time at them... and it's not like it's gotten anymore fun since the previous semesters... I guess it's more... this semester there's been more a feeling of detachment from everyone else. Perhaps I go to these parties now in a futile attempt to reattach. Maybe it's to see the people... Or perhaps it is just because I have nothing better to do... =T I don't know... In any case I'm not too sure why I go, I think today was just because it was annie... and I kinda wanted to be there because she wanted people to be there.... and you know... how can you refuse annie? =P

Anyway... It's been a long day, and the next couple will be longer... I should go to sleep...

2:00 PM

3 down, 1 to go!!! YES!

Oh my... three finals in three days... I'm SOOOOOOO tired! like.. soooo little sleep! I've been working off of lots of caffeine! lets see how much I've had in the past 3 nights... 3 Mountain Dew Code Red, 1 Jolt, 3 Vivarin, 2 Coke... And LOTS of sugar... averaged about 2 hours of sleep a night... not too bad... but some of those hours I was really only pretending to sleep since my mind was so full of caffeine that it wouldn't let me fall asleep... I need to sleep... and right now I'm working on this because that last Vivarin is still working...

hehe... ai... Tomorrow off to SF to get my visa taken care of.. i wonder what time I'll wake up tonight... I'm assuming it'll be night by the time I wake up. Supposed to go clubbing with Carla... but don't know if I'm up for it. I don't know if SHE'S up for it... hehe... so... bleh.

So what's happened? Um... Jess picked P-comm... FINALLY... and yeah.. that's about all the interesting news I have.

10:00 PM

So I took a nap in there somewhere, woke up after 4 hours, went to the RSF, ate some food, and then came back home. WOoo hoo!!! I get to go to SF tomorrow to take care of my Visa... dude... I need to write an apology letter to the Visa people... how do I go about doing that?

hehe... oh... I'm nice and full now... had some pad thai and talked to some people I hadn't seen in a while. (hehe... people I didn't really CARE to see in a while... but that's beside the point.. =P)

aiite... I think I will go add some Christmas stuff to this site... I haven't had time in a while! =D YAY!!!! Christmas! =D

It's funny how things hit you at strange moments..

Finals... 'nuff said... back to studying...

So finally finished the time capsules... what a chore! But it was worth it I think... I saw the smiles on the faces of our pledges when they read the interviews about them, and when they were flipping through their letters... it made the countless hours of lack of sleep worth it... yes... Kinda funny though, how so many of them came up to me saying... "Shelley! the name on the keychain isn't MINE!!!!" hehe... you'd think the little note saying "JY reunion! Find YOUR keychain!" would tell them to go find their keychain... hehe...

Other than that bright spot... Banquet for me was kind of... not as enjoyable as previous semesters... I don't know why... it was kind of a reflective experience for me. I was sitting at banquet, and i just felt so so sad. I couldn't really explain it. It was like... just sitting there watching all the people, and just kind of being on the outside of it all. Not really there, not really a part of anything, not really feeling that I was making a difference at all. It was an incredible sense of sorrow/loneliness/apathy... which is somewhat like the way I've been feeling all semester... ah well...

After banquet, I went to the first banquet after-party that I pretty much stayed until the end of... It was pretty fun, drifted in and out of sleep, shuffled cards, played jenga, watched TV... entertaining for the most part... hehe...

JY reunion tonight! yay!! wish you were here leslie! I have your time capsule!

This has been a very draining day/week/semester... and although it's all turned out to be pretty much ok for the most part...there's still the nagging feeling that it's not enough. I didn't do well enough, I didn't work hard enough, I didn't want bad enough, because I've still got that incomplete not quite happy feeling... But it will work.

so today went to a meetings (WHY oh WHY do i have SOOOOO many meetings?), a service project, and then went to dinner with Tammi, Annie, Thuy and Vince at the Stinky Rose... a place with lots of garlic... NUMMY! =D hehe...

I'm not too sure why we went there since apparently Vince doesn't like garlic at all... but I liked it! =P

But it's now 12:20... and I'm tired. I think by this time on sunday, I will be veeeeery veeeery tired.

AND I haven't written my stupid flowergrams yet. DOH.

Something my friend sent me...

Hi Shelley - Just wanted to share this. Thought it was quite intriguing and I remember you said you and your friend talked about it once in some car ride home. =) Take care - Christine

What is love?

We often mistake it for a crush, an infatuation or sometimes, even for the sheer joy in companionship. Sometimes, we think it's that feeling that we have when our hearts continue throbbing hard when we see that special person. Or when our knees start to shake and begin to weaken. But can anyone really define love? I don't think so, not even the ones who think they have felt it, or those who are feeling it, or those who hope they will feel it. Not even my philosophy teacher. Because love is not something that you define...it's a decision.

When you feel that you love one person, how can you tell that he or she won't feel the same way for the next person who comes along? Love is not a feeling, it's a decision. 'Cuz, love, when it's a feeling, is something that floats in the air, something you cannot touch or dare to comprehend. Love, when it's a decision, makes it solid, makes it a commitment, makes it more lasting and more real.

You can feel that you can be in love 20 million times in a day, but when you decide to be in love, you can only decide to be in love with one person once in your lifetime. You commit and you hold on to that decision. And when you turn your back on that decision, it means you were never in love in the first place.

Love should never fade. Because when it does, it means it's just an emotion. Love will never fade because a decision, once done, is something you stand up for and fight for -- no matter what.

If you can say "I love you" long after all the tough times, all the good times and after all the words that come hurting you, then the meaning of those words becomes real.

Is love a product of destiny? No...Destiny can actually be a coincidence, it can actually be a wrong sign of some turn of events.

I guarantee that there will be tough times. Yes, it is a decision to commit, it is a decision to love. And when you decide to love, you should realize that there will be tough times and there will come a time when you would want to get out. And when you realize that love comes with all things good or bad, then you know what love really is.

But there is love...

Everyone waits for love to come into his life. You do not even have to know the meaning of love. Because even without someone to love, there is a love truly waiting for you. A love greater than anything that one wants to feel, greater than what one hopes to happen. Lack of love should not create a feeling of emptiness inside you because there is always this Someone who will fill it up for you. Just look up...

Look up huh?? ::sigh:: no one here... how sad... hehe

I think I have more hours of meetings each week than I have of class...
and according to scott... "that's the undergraduate experience!"

End of the semester sucks... too much to do and buy! AHHHHHHHHH!!

I've been really bad about updating, but that's ok =) hehe... sooo busy! So what'd I do today? um... I went to class... ::SHOCK:: and I actually made it to most of class and stayed awake for the most part! =) But fresas didn't show up today in Anthro... I was SO disappointed! There was SOOOOOO much to tell her! AND we watched maybe the best film/documentary/whatever I've ever seen on racism. It Ah well.. s'all good =)

After class I went to CAA to go sign letters for the symposium. I felt all important and stuff... almost like a celebrity! People asking me for my autograph... hehe...

Apparently there was a DGC (December Graduates Convocation) meeting at 4 that I didn't know about... So I got dragged into that and helped by coercing Joanne (my brother's girlfriend's sister) to sing "Hail to California" at the convocation. I swear, Sammi... ok.. so like LAST night was the Californians banquet... and remember that update a little while ago? about the volunteer thing? and how she was all.. "it's a californians thing, we don't want anyone else to help?" so.. the funny thing is, last night, she comes up to me, and says, "sorry, but would your fraternity like to help?" And I was all.. uh... hello... i thought it was a "californians thing" and then she was saying how everyone backed out on her. I felt kinda bad for her, but I mean, this is REALLY late notice to get people together for a service project, especially when volunteer orientation is tomorrow. Ah wells... whatever... I'll ask qhaha... and if it won't work... we'll have to manage. What's cool is that we have the guy in charge of FOX speaking. Apparently this man controls approximately 75% of what the people in this world sees! and get this! he graduated from Berkeley! woo hoo!! go bears! =D

after all that, I went to eshelman and wrote flowergrams until chapter forum. I think CF went pretty well, kinda chill, but still productive for the most part. Albert's got some CRAZY stuff in store for the website. But it's all good =)

Once the Forum was over, i came home and worked on requirements. You wouldn't believe how MUCH time I put into these requirements thing. Never thought it'd be quite this difficult... cuz you gotta cross check with the computer and those emails that people sent back to me and then those people who finish reqs like two days ago, and yeah... CRAZY! I spent at least another 5 hours on it today, and 8 hours last week... 13 hours on reqs... wow... but I mean, it's all good. we've got about 58 actives in good standing, and add to that the 30 some RJH pledges, that's a good 88 or so. Not half bad...=)

I wrote a little poem in class today... but I lost it... =T I really liked it too... but I can't remember how it goes exactly.... something about race... (I wrote it right after anthro, can you tell?) but ah well... hopefully I'll find it someday, and post it... ok.. I'm tired now, enough playing with my page... night night night!

::sings::

City sidewalks, busy sidewalks...
Dressed in holiday style...
In the air there's a feeling... of Christmas!

Children laughing, people passing...
Smiling smile after smile...
And on every street corner you hear...

Silver Bells... Silver Bells...
It's Christmas time, in the city...
Ring-a-ling... hear them ring...
Soon it will be Christmas Day!

Christmas songs!!! Aww... Qhaha!!! I want a caroling project! at piedmont gardens! =D awww...

gosh it's been so long... since I could sing Christmas songs!! a WHOLE YEAR!! =D ::bounce:: yay!!! lalala!

wow.. the wonders of one ecard... my student in Taiwan sent me a Christmas ecard that sings silver bells!!! First time I ever received singing mail! quite intriguing! =) hopefully this will last until tomorrow! and the day after and the day after... don't want finals to kill this mood at all! =) lalala!!!

I love Christmas! =)

makes me so happy! and tomorrow! first Christmas party of the year! woo hoo!!! yay!!! Justin's gonna buy a tree even though Sammi told him not to! hehe... sammi... bah... she's a humbug... a regular scrooge. =P Ooh look!!! my English teacher in High school would be proud!!! I'm making literary allusions! not Illusions mind you.. Allusions! wheeeee!!! I want to sing Christmas carols... Sing sing sing!

Tammi got her hair cut today... it's SO cute! cute cute cute! I like it! whee!!! Just in time for the holidays! I wanna make my hair look cute too! But I wanna grow it out... how difficult! hair hair... blah blah blah... life is good... feeling happy! =D mwah!