It's hard to say what exactly is going on in my head right now...

things are so... difficult.

::sigh::

I don't understand. The worst things happen to the best people. It's just not fair. not fair not fair not fair. But life isn't fair. It almost seems as if they're testing you... they KNOW you're a good person... but they want to test you to see how good you really are... ::sigh::

Leslie Leslie... my poor poor leslie... dear me... ::sigh::

I really hope this all ends soon... i can only handle so much... I don't think humans were made to endure this much... if it doesn't end soon, I think we're gonna start breaking...

Why is this semester so HARD?!

It's funny... how much this website helps... even though the words I post won't be read by anyone... it helps to know that they are up there... hidden away in a dark little corner... just to have it be written and out of my head. these words... there are so many of them... and they just won't let me study... wish i could talk... they come out so much faster in tears than they when I type. but nothing can be done... I guess...

You know what? life sucks.

::sigh::

why can't life just be a LITTLE bit easier... you know? once it starts to get good... it starts sucking again... and after I got all my hopes up too...

you think I woulda learned from the beginning of the semester... man...

This year has just been SO awful... I guess I just have to hope next semester will be better...

::crosses fingers and toes::
::hopes really hard::

>_<

So I went on the Freedom trail today, and learned a lot about American history. I saw where the declaration of independence was read to the public for the first time!! OOooOoOOo!!! hee hee hee... I also got to go to the brain lab and play with plasticized brains.. that was interesting. wowee!! hehe... some vacation huh? and then I got to eat fresh lobster! mmmm... SOOOOO good! wow.. one entire lobster all to myself! yumyum! haven't eaten clam chowder yet.. but that's ok... tomorrow I need to buy post cards... doh. then I spent the rest of the night studying... darned midterms.. keep getting in the way of fun... blech... at least my med school brother has this neuro program that helps alot! =D hehe

MAN! this has been a REALLY educational vacation...

aiight.. I'm off to study more... ::sigh::

It's been SUCH a LONG week... ::sigh::

Hehe... so I got on a plane this morning and I flew to Salt Lake City where they went into all my stuff and looked through all of it and yeah... just looked at all my stuff. That was new... I was randomly selected to get my bags searched TWICE! Once in Oakland and once in Salt Lake City... I think it's because I'm asian...hehe... no not really... but it was really weird... no one's checked my stuff like that before... =P

The plane rides weren't that bad either, I talked to this pilot on the plane who was interviewing for SkyWest. He taught me a lot of stuff about the airline industry. It was quite amusing. I was amused. And then I read this other guys book on the plane. And that taught me a lot of stuff too! so all in all this has been a fairly educational trip so far... hopefully I'll get lots of studying done and do good on my two midterms on Wednesday. =D

I met my brother's roomates... hehe...they all seem really nice and friendly... but dude... they're all so OLD!!!! ::shudder:: hehe... ah well... old people aren't that bad I guess. =P

You can try as much as you want I guess, but the question is... will it make a difference?

Vince didn't show up today... so I worked with helen instead... helen is sooo wonderful. She's easily distracted, but she REALLY wants to learn. Afterwards, Jennya nd I went to the BOSS service project and played with these kids... oh my... my back... is in just a LITTLE bit of pain... I had them jumping all over me... at one time, I had maybe 7 little kids attached to me at one point or another... wow... I love kids...

I dunno.... usually a service project helps... but I guess... this really wasn't a service project. =T. But it was amusing... I don't think the kids really learned any of the science.. i think they just liked the stuff... =)

1:25 AM

so it was the second one...

6:00 pm

Wow... three days since my last update... too long.

By the end of tonight, I'll either be really ecstatic or really bummed... if I'm the second one... please try not to talk to me... I'll prolly be at home crying. Never thought that I'd actually run for Pledgemaster. kinda just an idea I toyed with as a pledge... and now here I am... running... :;sigh:: how difficult. I hate elections. I don't want to be dissected on the floor, I don't want to be rejected yet again, I don't want to... and yet, here I am, ready to get pulled apart yet again. ::sigh::

I hate elections... wish me luck...

I went to Campout this past weekend... It was kind of odd the entire campout. I didn't feel quite like myself. It was really just kinda chill and mellow for me, you know? I was just... kinda there, I didn't go out of my way to pick up trash, or to pitch tents, or clean up, or anything. I was just kinda... there. I spent a lot of time just sitting and thinking on this big rock overlooking a valley. I wasn't thinking about too much, just kind of dazed and quiet. It was really nice. It's been awhile since I've been ok enough with me to just sit and think about what I need to do. I think going out with carla friday night really helped. I haven't been that happy and relaxed in a long long time. However, thinking kinda brought a lot of things that were bothering me to light. So now all I need to do is figure out what to do about it =P

anyway, at campout, I got FED!!! whee!!! I love you DI! (oh and ryannay too!) And I also went on the midnight hike to the lake. It was SOOOO nice! I'm so glad I finally got a chance to go. The sky was so clear and the stars were so bright. I saw a total of 4 shooting stars! you know.. if you think about it... you should be able to see shooting stars every night. As long as the sky is clear enough... because every night approximately 10,000 stars hit the earth's atmosphere. It was so nice... I really liked lying on the picnic bench looking up at the sky through the branches of the trees. At that point, I felt like Jonathan... I could lie there indefinitely... and if I were to freeze to death, at least it'd be a pleasant freezing...

Today I baked a pizza with the Californians. I was supposed to finish cooking dinner (for the potluck tomorrow) with them, but I went to excomm instead... hehe.. I'm such a nerd. Ah well.. and after the meeting, me and jess and annie just hung out until 12:55!!! ::sigh::

those are the moments I really cherish. The random, spontaneous talks about random, spontaneous things.

Those times with your friends... that's good stuff...

So I didn't update yesterday... wow... I'm getting really lazy about this updating thing.. =P Ah... whatever... as long as it gets done I guess...

I met up with Bonnie today (my aunt's friend's daughter)... She's really nice. But I kinda get the feeling that perhaps I scared her, or soemthing... but I dunno... I felt kinda useless. I'm trying to help her all I can.. but I mean... I don't know where to get breakfast food! I don't EAT breakfast! ::sigh:: but I'm researching... and I've found a couple of places that she go. But then.. she also doesn't know how to order. I wanna take just one day and hang out with her you know? Just take her around, and have her order food, and buy things and do all this stuff... but I have no time! and that's sooooo sad! =(

Plus I also don't have a car. ::sigh::

I wonder if I could talk Ryan into taking us =P hehe... Ryan if you read this... I love you! =D

Ah well... other than that, Vince was pretty good today. I'm getting the hang of getting him to work. and I think he's getting used to having a girl tell him what to do, and although he complains and whines, for the most part he's behaving himself.. and that's REALLY cool. it's like ::shock:: you know? Like today... I just looked at him,a nd he stayed seated instead of running around crazy like he usually does. =D

aiight... just waiting for Carla to come get me now so that we can work on P2P...::sigh:: I want that to start working! grr.... =P bye!

This night was a night of love shared by five people. Suspender boy, Nick, and contact boy... me and carla love you. Thanks for a GREAT time!