So like.. I took a midterm today... my first one of the semester...it sucked. Need I say more? =P

I told myself earlier that this semester, I'm gonna work on maintaining friendships... so while I was was wandering around after my midterm before my next class, I ran into Dwight... You know.. that guy... that says, "Good morning, you have a blessed day, good luck on your midterms." I used to talk to him my freshman year, but ever since I moved out of the dorms, I kinda neglected him, and when I saw him, I kinda didn't really talk to him. You see, he had this problem with his eye... he can't really see that good. So I don't think he was able to recognize me. But I talked to him for a bit today and he told me he got new glasses that helps his "condition" a lot and that he's still looking for a job, but nobody seems to hire him... He's lucky that he DOES have a home, and a bit of family... unlike a lot of people on the street (although you'd be surprised... a lot of berkeley bums have homes =P)

It's interesting how people berate the homeless for being lazy, and not getting a job and not being a productive member of the community... but look at Dwight... he's tried SO hard to get a job... yet no one will hire him.. it's not because he's unwilling to work... or that he's afraid of working... Friggin a, he's stands there all day blessing people that just blatantly ignore him or give him dirty looks. But again, like I said, he's even lucky.. he HAS a home. What if for some reason your house got taken away from you, and you were out on the streets? You have no car, and only the stuff with you. You walk into a store and they ask you for your address and phone number, and you tell them you have neither... then what? If you seriously think about it... WHO would hire someone who was homeless? Not many people. There are too many stereotypes that go with the homeless drug addict, or the lazy homeless bum. Why risk the smooth running of your business with one who is homeless when you have plenty of housed people applying for the same position? It's not fair...

eh... anyway.. I didn't sleep last night because I was studying for that awful midterm. I think I'll hit the sack now...

night.

Wow... the second of the month already... and two more midterms... ::sigh:: nothing particularly interesting happened to me today... I think I hurt my gluteus maximus though. Isaac thinks it's a pinched nerve... I went to the tang center and they said they didn't know what was wrong with me, but like they thought that it'd get better on it's own... what a waste of 2 hours! ::sigh:: I got my TB test today too... good thing too... else I wouldn't be able to go and mentor on Friday... hehe... just need to rememebr to go and get it read on thursday... hehe
=)

But while I was in there getting my butt looked at...

So like they put me in this room, and I put on this little paper gown. When the doctor came in, he came in with this little medical student to "observe." And I'm all.. uh.. okay.... he turns me around and asks me to touch my toes... so I do that, and I hear the girl snicker... ::sigh:: JUST because I'm wearing a pair of underwear with Santa Claus on it, and he's skiing and he crashed into a little hill of snow... =P ::sigh:: it was slightly embarassing... I didn't really make the connection this morning that I was going to the TANG center and people would be seeing my panties... ah well.. whatevers..
-P

s'all good... =)

::sigh:: gonna go take a nap now and then hit the books... Ciao!

::sigh::

midterms...SUCK! Yes... they suck...

Ok, so like, I just had dinner and now I'm on break.. I do believe the last break for the entire night. hehe... But oh how i do like procrastinating. =) Melon came over today, and I got to procrastinate by making her food and making her keep eating and eating and eating.. I'm gonna make melon fat fat fat... hehe =)

Then next tuesday gonna have a melon house sleepover! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

My highschool friend Emalyn is coming up from Irvine tomorrow.. but I don't know if I'll have time to hang with her... =( I'm soooo busy... we'll see... =P

so here's the good news for the day: after tomorrow, I will be free of midterms for a bit!

so here's the bad news:
1) My butt still hurts... =( Lotsa pain... i hope I can climb rocks on Saturday =T
2) I only have two littles... ::sniff::
we didn't even get a chance to take a complete small family picture with Lin Bizkit... ::cries:: Ah well... Good luck with midterms Eminen! We love you!

hehe... so yesterday we had a blackout and my computer crashed before I could update... heheh... doh. But I went to the women's shelter project... it was interesting =)

I would write more, but I'm at Joyce's house right now and hehe...can't really write too much cuz yeah... I should go play now!

oh oh!!! Good news! I didn't failone of my midterms! YAY!!!!

ok that's all... ok bye!

Went mountain rock climbing today... hehe had the WEIRDEST dream... I dreamed that i woke up late to pick up joyce to go climbing, and me and jess tried to wake up eddie... and we tried and tried and tried and he wouldn't wake up... and we were all... this CAN'T be normal... eddie is usually good about his kinda thing!! hehe.... I guess it was more amusing as a dream... =T oh well, whatever =P

But we woke up, got fed by eddie's mommy, and went to safeway to get food... then went... and were stopped by a wall of rain at the entrance to the trail. We were all... DOOD... we get all the way here, and it's RAINING!?!?!?! how crappy is THAT? But we decided to be troopers and plug on... after about 5 steps, the rain stopped. It was weird! Guess it was to weed out the weak of heart... hehe. Then it took about half an hour to hike goat rock, and I learned ALL sorts of neat stuff!!! Like how to tie a water knot and how to take care of rock climbing ropes, and how to climb a rock with ropes! Aren't you JEALOUS?!

BUT! So like we were attaching the ropes on the top (so we wouldn't fall down the mountain) on this little protrusion of a rock that was on top of a big lump of rock. But in order to attach the ropes, we had to climb onto the big lump of rock, so we climbed up, and when we were done, we needed to get off... that's when Jessica tried to get off the rock, but her shoes decided that it wasn't worthy of climbing, so she slid off of it instead, and fell on her butt... I was HIGHLY amused.

Then jess climbed, and then I got to climbed... but it was scary because my ropes were being controlled by jessica. And dude... jess in a position of power like that?! FREEEEEEAKY! =P then we went and looked for a cave and climbed around on rocks with no ropes. It was fun! =)

On the hike back to the car, the stupid orphan re-emphasized her desire to be stupid, as Eagle Scout Eddie Bunny tried to teach us about little creatures in nature, she just ignored him and kept on walking. Silly orphan! =P But apparently there are these little bug that release this acid that can eat through ROCK! how cool is that?! I want one of them! =P

Then me and jess got on the Bart and went home. Hehe... then i used my AC Transit pass for the first time this semester! whoo hoo!!! =P When we did finally manage to get home, it turns out that my brother came, and wanted to eat dinner with me... but he also had his girlfriend coming, and his girlfriend's sister, and the girlfriend's sister's boyfriend, and the girlfriend's sister's friends coming as well... So I dragged whaha and melon and andrew with me. hehe... it was amusing... I met Joanne's (the girlfriend's sister) residents who have NEVER been to Hot Pot City. As a matter of fact whaha and melon and andrew have never been either! which to me, is shocking! ::shock::

then I went and took advantage of my brother and bought like $100 worth of stuff cuz I knew he'd pay for it! oh baby! I love my brother! and I mean.. it was like... all stuff that I needed you know? And shoot... he's my brother... he's supposed to! =D Then melon stayed at my place for a while... so much fun! I love melon! YAY! melon! =D and that's a fairly BRIEF account of what I did... hehe... that's all!

So one of the traditions I cherich the MOST in A Phi O is the singing of the toast song after every project. I know I know... you're all WHAT?! the TOAST song?! you're SUCH a dork! Sure.. But like i said in the APO section, I'm an A Phi O nerd. To me.. the toast song is a tradition that is very deeply rooted in this fraternity. It's something that we have that has lasted from the very conception of our fraternity. Why do we teach the pledges chapter and national history? it is to show them, and teach them the great traditions of our chapter. So that they can understand where we come from, we teach them our long history, so they can appreciate all that previous A Phi O brothers have put into our chapter and our fraternity. It's part of BEING in a fraternity. Similarly the toast song is a piece of history that the pledges should know and honor. It's not something that can just not be sung because we don't feel like it. I know that there are some active brothers who don't like singing the toast song, and they won't sing it after they chair a project, because they don't feel it is important, I mean, not all, but some don't...and on some of the projects I've been to, the ONLY reason they sing it is because I tell them to. And they try and convince me not to make them sing it. And I feel *SO* sad that they feel that way... It's just not right. to me, it's almost like, they are not a part of the fraternity, or that they feel they are better than the fraternity. They don't have to because they don't want to... I suppose I hold a very conservative view on the toast song. And I think that I may be the most anal person in the chapter regarding the toast song... but it means a lot to me.

I've been told stories of chapters that didn't sing the toast song that much...they only sang it when there were people like the section chair and stuff there... and they (the chapters) died. It might not have been solely due to the lack of toast song, but I believe that it was most likely at least one of the factors... The toast song builds a unity. Perhaps not as immediately as broomball or campout, but it forms a bond between pledges and actives, and anyone else singing the song in a more subtle manner. Given time, the toast song develops something that I feel holds the chapter together... I know it sounds stupid, but the toast song is one of the most important traditions that this chapter carries on. One of the things that I really really wanted the pledges to learn last semester is the importance of the toast song. Likewise, I want the pledges THIS semester to learn the importance of it. I feel that they need to learn to respect it, and honor it. I mean, sure you look stupid singing it sometimes, and it's embarassing in public for a lot of people, but that in and of itself is a bonding experience, and it's one of the few ways we cherish our fraternity as a group, and as a whole. The toast song links us to other chapters, it is the one of the few characteristics that ALL the chapters across the nation uphold. You can't just throw it away by not singing it.

Everytime anyone mentions skipping the toast song, it just makes me so so sad. it's like... they don't understand what it is that they want to toss out the window. I know I probably sound very dramatic and what not, but that's just how important it is to me.

Likewise... the toast song is meant to be sung by ALL who are present at a project... if you're not there to sing the toast song with everyone else... it's like you're being cut out. Like you're not a part of the fraternity, or at least that's the way it feels to me. ::sigh::

hehe... so what brings on this toast song tirade? Hehe... the fact that I didn't get to sing it after PCP I guess... upsetting... it made me so sad that no one noticed that at LEAST 5 people weren't there... or they noticed, but no one cared to wait. ah well...

OH!!! and the fact that people left early! now THAT was REALLY upsetting. what kind of example to the pledges is that?! oh.. we signed up to go to a project, but it's ok, we can leave whenever we want... SUUUURE... now THAT'S stupid. Dammit (sorry about the language) I was SO frustated with everything at the end.. I LOVED the project.. I mean I got to play with a chop saw, and a router, and a power drill! how can I NOT love a project like that?! but... UGH... I don't understand what's happening to my chapter... it's depressing...

ok I think I'll go cry now... bye...

I had the MOST difficult time trying to update this stupid site yesterday! I couldn't figure out why either! It's like, I kept uploading and uploading, and it KEPT saying it was successful, and that there was nothig wrong, and then I find out after hours and hours of struggling, it was due to a mistake in capitalization of the pages... ::sigh:: how DUMB am I?!

Anyway, yeah... that's what happened, and then last night, elvin almost got snuck by them sneaky little pledges. But turns out that he would up in the hospital until 3:30 in the morning. He's ok =) so that's good... but after I drove him home, I talked with ryan until 5:30, and then to devin until about 6... and then I got up to go to class... and my GSI didn't show up to class, so I couldn't get my midterm back... =(

After I finished up with classes, I had my traditional Monday wendysday. We were SUPPOSED to go to get a hairwrap, but the silly hairwrap people weren't there... so we were sad...=( SO many sad things today =( BUT! we got our fortune told instead =P

it was so highly amusing! the fortune tellings are $10 apiece. However he gave us a discount for two people... hehe... $12 for the two of us... Dang.. those bargaining techniques I learned in taiwan... I didn't know they worked here too!! hehe... but I SWEAR it was the hardest $12 I have EVER seen anyone earn. I felt bad after we were done... I wanted to give him more money.. but I only had a $100 bill on me... so.. yeah... but wendy is gonna be rich but not ever have a real relationship... hehe... as for me...

The momentum and basis of my life is on the Five of wands, otherwise known as "Strife,"
And the advice that came off of that was the "Moon" or mystery... which means that anything the fortune teller guy told me was uncertain. blah.
My conscious was the "Knight of Swords," indicating that the way that I think is through reasoning and thinking.
My subconscious was the 5 of Cups, a.k.a. "disappointment"... so inside, I'm supposedly very pessimistic always expecting to be disappointed.
In my recent past was the "Star" indicating meditation. My near future is "Destruction"... pleasant isn't it? I WAS meditating... but then I have to destroy all the beliefs that I have or something, he said SOMETHING will be destroyed.. or more, I need to destroy the way I view things in order to be happy. Or something. Go figure.
My attitude is ruled by the Knight of Cups... or the "mature man that is full of romance" He interpreted that to mean that I focus too much of my life on romantic dreams of men... It's the fault of the media I tell you! those stupid love songs and movies... so detrimental to student life these days! hehe... all girls think of it...Excepting of course stupid orphans... =P ::wink:: love ya jess!
My environment is characterized by the "Hanged Man"... indicating the need for reflection.
My hopes and fears were embodied in the Queen of Wands... and I don't really recall what it meant... =T I must be getting old.... what can I say?
and the final card was the Empress. Which indicates fullfillment in life, as it is the card that the reading ends on...
All in all, he wrapped up my life as wrought with martyrdom and lack of meaning, and in order to reach the fullfillment that the Empress indicates, I need to do what makes me happy, and not use my intellect too much to rationalize what I want.. I need to meditate and reflect, so I can destroy my previous ideas and thought processes.

amusing huh?

ok.. I need to go out soon.. I'll finish the rest of my day later.. hehe ::hug::

a few hours later....

::sigh:: I need to write a paper.. but I figure I can procrastinate hehe... So I went to the Janet Jackson Concert for our partial-small family and michelle bonding thing... now THAT was a surprise. REALLY didn't think that THAT would have happened. It was a really good concert... hehe... I liked all the dancing and special effects. they were COOL. Never saw her in person before... janet jackson that is... dude... she's got really flat abs... wish mine looked like that. hehe =P Ah well... I try to comfort myself with... women are SUPPOSED to be kinda soft right? hehe

After the concert, I went for some food with elvin. That was very... good. I miss him so much, he's gotten so busy... and I never see him anymore. It's so sad... and it used to be like, I'd see him and talk to him like EVERYDAY. And now, whenever I see him, he's either about to fall asleep or in yesterday's case, dying in the hospital. ::sigh:: But it was good. Got a chance to catch up a bit over a late night In-N-Out burger. =)

back to paper writing...

Went bowling after Chapter Meeting today.. it was SO much fun... I haven't been to a fellowship-type of thing for a long long time... I've missed them. I especially thought it was funny when David Huan was bowling in his lane, and suddenly his ball jumped lanes and rolled into the gutter in my lane and gave me a gutter ball. hehe.. that was amusing. My little is an AWESOME bowler! And Vincent was a shock.. he started out bowling like a 60... and by the end of the night he had like 132 or something! CRAAAAAAZY! hehe... and then after, we all went to eat at Nations... sooo much fun.. but kinda sucked... cuz me and melong were supposed to have a sleepover... guess it'll have to wait until next week... ah well...

I'm tired... I think I go sleepy soon.. night!

I've resigned myself to just thursdays... ::sigh:: sad ain't it? how you have to pencil in someone who used to always be there for you for lunch? one time a week. 1.5 hours. How pathetic. But I assume that that's life. whatever... funny how I need to trivialize things in order to make things feel better. Oh our friendship is gone... oh whatever... i didn't need it anyway... life goes on... I'm too busy for friendships anyway... haha... funny... ::sigh::

at least we have thursdays ::crosses fingers:: hopefully I won't get that taken from me as well. bah...
=T

So I slept through class today since yesterday we went on yet another 4 am Nations run... although this time it wasn't totally spontaneous... it was kinda like t-dawg semi-planned it. Kinda weird... but eh... whatever, it was fun all the same, we also got Ryan C to come too! hehe... so it was a fairly large 4 AM Nations run group this time... hehe...

But after I woke, I had to go and tutor Vincent... ::sigh:: that boy. I swear... I think I kinda figured him out. He's willing to work, but only if you try REALLY hard to get him to focus since his attention span is SOOOOO short. He also has a "cool" complex. So it's like... he'll work, but he's not really willing to take the extra step to try and learn from you, because he doesn't want to look stupid with the other students around him watching. So next time, I think I want him off on his own, in a separate room, or outside or something... =T

After that, I went to the Californians "Fentowling" fellowship. It was fun! I think I really got to know the other people in my branch as well as the two from the 1st and 2nd year branch a lot better. We got to bowl... and I bowled a PATHETIC score of 66... ::sigh:: oh well... kinda off today... whatevers hehe... and then we played pool and then went to fentons... mmm... SOOOOOO good... hehe...

I got this saddleback brownie thing... So big! could not finish! hehe... I was gonna bring it home for jess but I figured the guy on the street would enjoy it more... really sweet though.. I hope he brushes his teeth... =P that's about all that happened to me today... hehe byeeee!!!

CLAIM JUMPER'S!

so like we left for CJs at 5:30 or so to get a table for 35 people... didn't get seated until like 10:30...oh my... SUCH a LOOOOOONG wait... I'm SOOOOOOO full... dropping into food coma... ugh... g'nite!

So I skipped the 14th... sue me...

I am SOOO tired... working on like zero hours of sleep... and like yeah...soooo tired... Just got out of the library... aren't you proud of me?! ME! in the LIBRARY!! WOWEE!!! =)

::sigh::

no sleep...
::sigh::

you know... in high school... I was SUCH a good girl. I went through ALL of high school without missing a day of class, unless it was an absence sponsored by another class, you know? And I couldn't understand how people could just ditch class... even when we were seniors. I mean, I didn't understand it at all... What if I missed something important!? And this sleeping through class stuff? HOW?!? How could you?! I mean.. like.. doesn't the pressure of knowing you have to get to class wake you up? I didn't understand.... I just didn't get it... but when I came to college, I KNEW that I would maintain the same mentality...

haha

I didn't realize how tiring college would be. oh my... like in HS... the latest I went to bed was at like... 1:00... and THAT was EXTREMELY late... and for some reason, now, 1:00 is early! ::shock:: for some reason, knowing I have class doesn't do anything to wake me up anymore... friggin a... I even slept through a MIDTERM my freshman year... Ah well... that's life I guess... too bad I've turned into such a slacker... I should go to class more... I had promised myself I'd go to all my classes this semester... like... I tell myself... "THIS semester will be different!" and like this semester, I even dropped running for anything in APO... and then I go get myself involved in all this other junks. bah... I think it's my nature... I can't help but be busy... if I'm not, I feel like there's something missing. hehe... ah well.. whatevers...

Classes I slept through today:
• Anthro 3 Lecture
• Anthro 1 Discussion
• Anthro 3 Discussion

and I really don't feel like going to my Anthro 1 Lecture... bah... hehe... whatevers...

hehe... so I didn't end up going to lecture today at all... just went to office hours with T-dawg, and then worked on binders a bit, and then went to Nom Comm meeting, and the library... I'm so proud of myself! I'm such a NERD this semester!! or kinda pretending to be a nerd at least... hehe... we don't really STUDY study... but it's more than I'd do at home! I read a chpater tonight! oh my! so proud of me! =)

there's always so much I wanted to write... but dude... at the time I update this nowadays, I'm always like about to fall asleep and I can't think of anything... so.. yeah...

maybe I'll write tomorrow...hehe

Oh my... never thought binders would take QUITE so long to make...

And guess what? After 12 hours.. they STILL aren't done!! Woo hoo!!!

ok... bedtime. night

So, I'm very highly disappointed in some people today. But I guess it's not my place to judge other people's value systems. All i know is that if it were me, I'd feel guilty as HELL. But whatevers, I wasn't supposed to "find out" about it. So I'm gonna vent my little bit here, and leave it at that.

I had my first meeting as "Leadership Symposium Co-Chair" today! YAY!! that was exciting! It went pretty good i think... although I find it's kinda hard to lead a meeting when it's like, there are other people there that are supposedly "in charge"... like the faculty people. It kinda unnerves me. I prefer to work when there's no one looking over my shoulder. You know? Because with them there, it's like, uh.. uhm... did I do something wrong? I feel like I constantly need to look to them for reassurance that I'm doing things right. Even though I KNOW I am... I feel uncomfortable with them there... kind of odd...

Also finished them AWESHUM binders today! WOW!!! SOOOO cool! But albert said that they looked like peanuts... ah well... can't please everyone... they look SOOO cool! WOW! I can't get over it! =) hehe
=P
aiight... off to my melon sleepover!

bye bye!