Title:LITTLE SECRET (continued)

CHAPTER 4 “Why? Why do that to yourself?” He said looking at the cuts and burns deeply. “I don’t know. It releases my stress. Don’t worry about it.” I said wrapping my arms around him. He backed away.

“How long?” He asked.

“Since you left. I didn’t know how to express myself. It wasn’t too bad until my sister had her baby. Then I started to cut myself. I only burned my arms when you left. I burned your name in my arm too. See?” I pointed to the scar that you could tell had a ‘J’ and a ‘B’. He was very angry and just stormed out of the room. I didn’t know what to do so I just sat there. I heard some doors slam and his mother yell. Next thing I knew, Dan was right by my side, asking what happened. “He found out my secret.” Dan looked at me funny. I rolled up my sleeve and showed him. “I burned myself when he left with a cigarette lighter and then I cut myself when my sister slept with my boyfriend and had her baby. He doesn’t understand how I feel.

I showed him that I burned his name in my arm.” I showed Dan the scar and he just smiled.

“Jacob is just a little paranoid. He has liked you forever and has always thought you were perfect. Now he realizes that you aren’t perfect.” Dan said giving me a small hug. “He will be better later.” He said exiting the room. Days went by and Jacob hadn’t called. I called his mom and she said he was just getting ready to leave.

“Tell him to stay right there!” I said hanging up the phone and driving over to his house. The car was just starting when I got over there. I leapt out of my car and opened the back door where Jacob was sitting. “Jacob, you never called. I just wanted to say…” I froze as I looked at his face. It was still full of anger. I continued, “I’m sorry. I need help and I admit it. Just don’t leave me at a time when I need you the most!” I started to cry. He still looked mad but I saw his face turn from stone to love when I broke down. He got out of his car and told them to go to the airport. The other guys drove away and Jacob just held me. “I never wanted you to find out but when you did I almost died! I just wanted someone to care about me and no one did. But you.” He pulled away and smiled.

“I should be the one apologizing. I should have tried to help you that night but I was so scared. I love you and didn’t know what to do. Ever since high school.” He said laughing. “I always though about me and you but it never happened. I was devastated when I had to go to Orlando. It meant not being with you. I have to ask you now. Will you be with me?” He said grinning with the bracelet again.

“Jacob--you know I can’t. Something would happen between us and I couldn’t bear it. Besides--you will be gone all the time and I would be crushed. Let’s just remain friends.” I said taking his hand. I saw his grin turn to a frown in just seconds.

~J*A~C*O~B*

I was about to die but I couldn’t break down like that in front of her. I glanced around to see tears coming to her eyes. As soon as my face turned red I looked down. “Will you at least give me a ride to the airport?” She nodded and led me to her car. We arrived at the airport and ran around trying to find my plane. I missed it but so did the other guys. Everyone smiled when we showed up together and I took Ashley aside. “Why is everyone smiling?”

“Well…You and Taylor, duh!” I looked at Ash like a total dumbass. “Well you are going out…aren’t you?” I shook my head. “Ah dude! I’m sorry! You came in hand in hand, I just kinda figured…I’m so sorry man. At least I’m not the only one.” Ashley replied. “Shelli said no too. I’ve given up on her.” Ash and I talked then decided to go back to the rest. Taylor was talking to all the guys but when I came over to her she stopped.

“I guess I better go pretty soon.” She said looking around. All the guys hugged her then she turned to me. “Come with me to my car.” I followed her all the way outside to beautiful San Diego. When we got to her car she turned around to me. “Jacob, things will work out soon. You can’t be in a boyband forever and then I promise, we can get together.” She smiled when I heard someone call my name. It was Making The Band cameras. They came over and started to tape. “I guess this is good-bye for now. Bye Jacob.” We both smiled and I leaned in to kiss her on the cheek but she pulled away. She got in her car and started to leave. The cameras asked me what happened but I couldn’t say.

~T*A~Y*L~O*R~

The cameras around, I just couldn’t kiss him. I wanted to but those cameras are really intimidating. I was scared he would be different on camera. I was just leaving San Diego to go back to college for a little bit when my cell rang. “Taylor…I want you to come to Orlando with us. Lou has an extra ticket for a special person and that would be you. Please come. I can help you then.” I couldn’t say ‘no’ to Jacob!

CHAPTER 5

We spent the rest of the night talking and I felt ten times better. When I glanced back at the clock it was 8 a.m. the next morning. “Jacob, you better go home and get some sleep, I will be fine all alone. Just take care of yourself.” I told him. He shook his head saying he couldn’t leave me alone. He told me I had to call my mom but I was too afraid. He handed me the phone. My mom answered. “Mom, it’s me, Taylor. Don’t say anything, just listen.” My voice trailed off slowly. “Mom, I tried to kill myself again yesterday but Jacob got me just in time.” I cried and put down the phone. Jacob picked it up and talked to my mom.

“Hello…The doctors said everything will be okay in a year…she cut through her veins and nerves, they repaired the veins but the nerves are just a little weak…I promise you, she is going to be okay and I will fly back with her next week…Yes, you are more then welcome to come down.” Jacob paused and smiled at me. Then he handed me the phone.

“Mom, I am truly sorry! I’m okay, I promise. I don’t want to go back to San Diego; I want to stay with Jacob. I promise I won’t hurt myself again. I swear to God, life will get better. I will get involved in things, please don’t make me go back to school.” I started to cry as I listened to my mom tell me why I needed help. We agreed that if I found a job in Orlando that kept me busy in one month, I could move down here. I explained to Jacob. Later, all the guys and the girls stopped in. They brought flowers and Trevor brought all of my CDs. We listened to them and I sang along to my favorite artist, Michelle Branch. Everyone started at me in awe, even Lou Pearlman. “What? Never heard a person sing before?” I asked stupidly.

“You have an awesome voice!” Everyone commented. Then Lou asked me, “Would you like to record a song in the studio and we’ll see what happens from there?” I was in shock; I was never told I had a beautiful voice.

I agreed and next week when I busted out I was going straight to the studio. Everyone but Jacob left an hour later, as Jacob tried to calm me down, he promised to be right there when I was in the studio. He gave me his notebook that he wrote songs in and told me to right about my feelings in lyrics while he headed home for a bit. I agreed and wrote…………..A week later, I was released from the hospital.

Jacob and I headed straight for the studio. He assured me I would do fine. When we got there Jacob laid down a track so I understood how to do it. When it was my turn, Lou handed me lyrics and told me to listen to the music and sing, it was a new song called What About Love that the writers for Mariah Carey wrote just for me. It was a really sweet slow song. I sang it perfectly and Lou sent the demo to Clive Davis from J Records. I was so excited! Clive called later and decided, before he signed me, to come to the studio to see me sing more tracks. I agreed, along with Jacob. He arrived and I sang like I did the other week and was signed on the spot! I was so excited! I called my mom from the car ride home. “Mom! I found a job!” I screamed.

“It’s been over a month and I’ve been trying to call. You have to come back home, it was the deal.” She told me. I was shocked.

“I can’t mom! I’m sorry, I’ve been so busy, but I’m gonna be a singer!” I said excitedly. She hesitated. “What?” She questioned.

“I was just signed by J Records and Clive Davis and I’m starting to record my new album next week. Please, will you and dad come down and be here for me?” I asked quietly.

“That is great but we could never leave your sister and her baby. You know that, besides, we can’t afford to come down.” My mom said sadly. By now I had her on speakerphone and Jacob then said.

“I will fly you all down here. Just be here for Taylor.” He told my mom more information as I smiled at him. She agreed she would fly down tomorrow with dad and Cherish. I scooted to the middle by Jacob and hugged him while he was driving. “Don’t worry, everything will be fine.” “Jacob, I love you.” I said quietly. He pulled into the driveway, smiled and kissed me on the forehead.

“I love you too. Come on, let’s go see the guys.” He said pulling me out of the car. We walked up to the house. “Hey everyone! Guess what?” Jacob hollered inside. All the guys came running, along with Shelli, Cindy, and Kelly. “Meet our new lablemate!” He said excitedly and pulled me close. All the guys screamed, congratulated and hugged me. We decided to go out for dinner to celebrate but right when we were getting ready to leave, Mike Cronin, their new manager called and told them they were leaving right away in the morning for New York City for a quick appearance on TRL. He also said to stay home tonight, but the guys didn’t listen and we went out.

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