Everyone is faced with the dilemma of how to get rid of the body after you kill someone. Well I'm here to help you out! Below are various strategies and techniques for getting rid of that bloody carcass:
If you're going to murder someone and dump their body in water, first wrap the corpse in a tube of metal chain link fence. The weight keeps the body at the bottom of the lake, it keeps large parts from floating to the surface or washing ashore for identification and it allows the fish and other critters to help get rid of the evidence.
"One of my friends has an easy way to get rid of his bodies. He dresses them in sky-diving gear, puts a parachute on their back and pushes them off. Many of those "accidents" you hear on the radio? Fear not, the victim was already dead." -Capital of Nasty.
"Take the body, place it on the rail tracks of a well traveled line. Near a bend if possible. This will avoid the body from being spotted virtually immediately and the chance that a slow moving freight train could stop in time. You want momentum to be your friend. Of course, you have to make it look like an accident. Take out a freshly bought bottle of some strong alcohol, pour some on the body, and put the bottle next to the body, but far enough so it won't break. People will think the obvious, while the body will be nicely mauled making it unrecognizable for a while." - Capital of Nasty.
"If you don't need time, but just want to get rid of the body quickly and in a clean way, steal a wheelchair. The person that was on it will most likely not chase after you. After that, go see a movie. With the body. On the wheelchair. As you enter, talk to the body on how good the movie will be. Buy the tickets and wheel the body to see Titanic (the movie is three hours and 15 minutes long, giving you almost 4 hours to play with to create an alibi). When the movie starts and the lights are dimming, tell the body you are going to get some popcorn and stuff. Instead, leave." - Capital of Nasty.
"Just wrap the corpse in a sheet and pass it off to the Whitney as a real Christo. By the time they're asking, "What's that god awful smell?" you're on a flight to Mexico. Christo also used oil drums as an art material, and as any good mobster knows oil drums are great for concealing a body, dead or alive." - The Ape Sheet
"In most cases people think they need to stash a dead body somewhere they assume it will never be found, like "secluded field" or "creepy guy's backyard." Wake up people! Those are the first places they're going to look. Instead of the obvious dumping grounds, use an art exhibit that no one is ever going to see." - The Ape Sheet
"Seek out a tall building and go to the roof. Toss the corpse off. Run as fast as you can downstairs to a payphone and call the police. When they get there, start crying out, 'Oh god! Not again Carl Andre, not again! Why! Oh god why did you do it Carl Andre!'" - The Ape Sheet