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An old poacher makes a good game-keeper. Proverb
Actress, n. A woman whose good name is commonly tainted from being so much in our mouths. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Actress
Architect, n. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Architect
Attorney, n. A person legally appointed to mismanage one's affairs which one has not himself the skill to rightly mismanage. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Attorney
Barber, n. (Lat. barbarus, savage, from barba, the beard). A savage whose laceration of your cheek is unobserved in the superior torment of his conversation. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Barber
Barrister, n. One of the ten thousand varieties of the genus Lawyer. In England the functions of a barrister are distinct from those of a solicitor. The one advises, the other executes; but the thing advised and the thing executed is the client. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Barrister
Chorus, n. In opera, a band of howling dervishes who terrify the audience while the singers are taking breath. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Chorus
Clinic, adj. Relating to a bed. A clinical lecture is a discourse on a certain disease, illustrated by exhibiting a patient made suitably sick for the purpose. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Clinic
Consul, n. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Consul
Contributor, n. In journalism, a patron of the waste-basket, who keeps the editors supplied with postage stamps which he thoughtfully encloses for the return of his rejected favors. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Contributor
Coroner, n. (Lat, corona, a crown; the pronunciation "crowner" is therefore legitimate.) A municipal officer charged with the duty of cutting up the unfortunate to see if they are dead. They always are. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Coroner
Craft, n. A fool's substitute for brains. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Craft
Dentist, n. A prestidigitator, who puts metal into your mouth and pulls coins out of your pocket. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Dentist
Diagnosis, n. A physician's forecast of disease by the patient's pulse and purse. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Diagnosis
Diplomacy, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Diplomacy
Doctor, n. A gentleman who thrives upon disease and dies of health. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Doctor
Dragoon, n. A soldier who combines dash and steadiness in so equal measure that he makes his advances on foot and his retreats on horseback. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Dragoon
Embassador, n. A minister of high rank maintained by one government at the capital of another to execute the will of his wife. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Embassador
Homoeopathist, n. The humorist of the medical profession. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Homoeopathist
Hospital, n. A place where the sick generally obtain two kinds of treatment - medical by the doctor and inhuman by the superintendent. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Hospital
Interpreter, n. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Interpreter
Inventor, n. A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Inventor
Linguist, n. A person more learned in the languages of others than wise in his own. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Linguist
Opera, n. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes. All acting is simulation, and the world simulation is from simia, an ape; but in opera the actor takes for his model Simia audibilis (or Pithecanthropos stentor) - the ape that howls.The actor apes a man - at least in shape; The opera performer apes an ape.Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Opera
Pantomime, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Pantomime
Phrenology, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Phrenology
Physician, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Physician
Prescription, n. A death warrant. Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, s. v. Prescription
Now Barabbas was a publisher. T. Campbell (Attributed)
Swans sing before they die - 'twere no bad thing Should certain persons die before they sing.S. T. Coleridge, Epigram on a Volunteer Singer
As repressed sadists are supposed to become policemen or butchers so those with irrational fear of life become publishers. C. Connolly, Enemies of Promise
a politician is an arse upon which everyone has sat except a man.E. E. Cummings, a politician
The young man, on entering life, finds the way to lucrative employments blocked with abuses. The ways of trade are grown selfish to the borders of theft, and supple to the borders (if not beyond the borders) of fraud. Ralph Waldo Emerson, Man the Reformer. A Lecture Read Before the Mechanics' Apprentices' Library Association, Boston, January 25, 1841
I content myself with the fact that the general system of our trade (apart from the blacker traits, which, I hope, are exceptions denounced and unshared by all reputable men) is a system of selfishness; is not dictated by the high sentiments of human nature; is not measured by the exact law of reciprocity, much less by the sentiments of love and heroism, but is a system of distrust, of concealment, of superior keenness, not of giving but of taking advantage. Ralph Waldo Emerson, Man the Reformer. A Lecture Read Before the Mechanics' Apprentices' Library Association, Boston, January 25, 1841
I do not charge the merchant or the manufacturer. The sins of our trade belong to no class, to no individual. One plucks, one distributes, one eats. Every body partakes, every body confesses, - with cap and knee volunteers his confession, yet none feels himself accountable. He did not create the abuse; he cannot alter it. What is he? an obscure private person who must get his bread. That is the vice, - that no one feels himself called to act for man, but only as a fraction of man. It happens therefore that all such ingenuous souls as feel within themselves the irrepressible strivings of a noble aim, who by the law of their nature must act simply, find these ways of trade unfit for them, and they come forth from it. Ralph Waldo Emerson, Man the Reformer. A Lecture Read Before the Mechanics' Apprentices' Library Association, Boston, January 25, 1841
The doctors found, when she was dead, - Her last disorder mortal.O. Goldsmith, Elegy on Mrs Mary Blaize
On the stage he was natural, simple, affecting; 'Twas only that when he was off he was acting.O. Goldsmith, Retaliation
The greatest part of a writer's time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book. S. Johnson, Boswell's Life of Johnson, 1775
No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money. S. Johnson, Boswell's Life of Johnson, 1776
The average schoolmaster is and always must be essentially an ass, for how can one imagine an intelligent man engaging in so puerile an avocation? H. L. Mencken, Prejudices, Third Series
Make 'em laugh; make 'em cry; make 'em wait. C. Reade, (Advice to young author on writing novels)
Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind: The thief doth fear each bush an officer.W. Shakespeare, Henry the Sixth, Part Three, 5, 6, 11
'Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers.W. Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, 4, 2, 6
Let me have no lying; it becomes none but tradesmen. W. Shakespeare, The Winter's Tale, 4, 4, 711
The true artist will let his wife starve, his children go barefoot, his mother drudge for his living at seventy, sooner than work at anything but his art. G. B. Shaw, Man and Superman, Act 1
Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world. P. B. Shelley, A Defence of Poetry
I never read a book before reviewing it; it prejudices a man so. S. Smith, H. Pearson, The Smith of Smiths, Ch. 3
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