Amish Paradise

As I walk through the valley
Where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife
And realize she's very plain

But that's just perfect
For an Amish like me
Ya know, I shun fancy things
Like electricity

At 4:30 in the mornin'
I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens
And Jacob plows, fool

And I've been milkin'
And plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks
That my mind is gone

I'm a man of the land
I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand
And a beard on my chin

But if I finish all of my chores
And you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party
Like it's 1699

We've been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I churn butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise

It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me
In the butt last week
I just smiled at him
And I turned the other cheek

I really don't care
In fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off
When he's burning in hell

But I ain't never punched a tourist
Even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude
You know that's unheard of

I never wear buttons
But I got a cool hat
And my homeys agree
I really look good in black, fool

If you come to visit
You'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill
In 300 years

But we ain't
Really quaint
So please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Caruso
It's as primitive as can be

We've been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish paradise

There's no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish Paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy
Churnin' lots of butter
Raise a barn on Monday
Soon I'll raise anutter

Think you're really righteous
Think you're pure in heart
Well, I know I'm a million times
As humble as thou art

I'm the pious guy
The little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night
Scorin' points for the afterlife

So don't be vain
And don't be whiny
Or else, my brother
I might have to get medieval on your heinie

We've been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish paradise

There's no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in an Amish paradise

Ah oh oh oh, oh oh oh
Ah oh oh oh, oh oh yecch

Back to: Weird Al Yankovic