The Night Santa Went Crazy

Down in the workshop
All the elves were makin' toys
For the good Gentile girls
And the good Gentile boys

When the boss busted in
Nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands
And cheap whiskey on his breath

From his beard to his boots
He was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk
Disgruntled Yuletide Rambo

And he smiled as he said 
With a twinkle in his eye
"Merry Christmas to all 
Now you're all gonna die"

The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain

Well, the workshop is gone now
He decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces 
Of Cupid and Comet

And he tied up his helpers
And he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph
Into reindeer sausage

He got Dancer and Prancer
With an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher
Just like Freddie Krueger

And he picked up a flamethrower
And he barbequed Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said
"It tastes just like chicken"

The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can hardly walk around the North Pole
Without steppin' in reindeer guts

There's the National Guard and the F.B.I.
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky

And the bullets are flyin'
The body count's risin'
And everyone's dyin' to know
Oh Santa, why

My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy

Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time
In a federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years

But now Vixen's in therapy
And Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs
Working for the postal service

And they say Mrs. Claus,
She's on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights
They're talkin' 'bout

The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin' gypped

Woah, the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain

Woah, something finally must have
Snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have
Snapped in his brain

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