Principia Discordia, Section one
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A jug of wine, A leg of lamb
And thou! Beside me,
Whistling in the darkness. Be Ye Not Lost Among Precepts of Order...
The Book of Uterus 1;5
Some excerpts from an interview with Malaclypse the Younger by
THE GREATER METROPOLITAN YORBA LINDA HERALD-NEWS-SUN-TRIBUNE-JOURNAL-DISPATCH-POST
AND SAN FRANCISCO DISCORDIAN SOCIETY CABAL BULLETIN AND INTERGALACTIC
REPORT & POPE POOP.
GREATER POOP: Are you really serious or what?
MAL-2: Sometimes I take humor seriously. Sometimes I take seriousness
humorously. Either way it is irrelevant.
GP: Maybe you are just crazy.
M2: Indeed! But do not reject these teaching as false because
I am crazy. The reason that I am crazy is because they are true.
GP: Is Eris true?
M2: Everything is true.
GP: Even false things?
M2: Even false things are true.
GP: How can that be?
M2: I don't know man, I didn't do it.
GP: Why do you deal with so many negatives?
M2: To dissolve them.
GP: Will you develop that point?
M2: No.
GP: Is there an essential meaning behind POEE?
M2: There is a Zen Story about a student who asked a Master to
explain the meaning of Buddhism.
The Master's reply was "Three pounds of flax."
GP: Is that the answer to my question?
M2: No, of course not. That is just illustrative. The answer to
your question is FIVE TONS OF FLAX!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Principia Discordia
or
How I Found Goddess And What I Did To Her When I found Her
being a Beginning Introduction to The
Erisian Mysterees
Which is Most Interesting
as Divinely Revealed to My High Reverence
MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, KSC Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity
in Gold and HIGH PRIEST of THE PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF ERIS
ESOTERIC (POEE)
HAIL ERIS! KALLISTI ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!
Dedicated to The Prettiest One
The Upstart of one hand clapping
JOSHUA NORTON CABAL - Surrealists, Harlequinists, Absurdists and
Zonked Artists Melee
POEE is one manifestation of THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY about which
you will learn more and understand less
We are a tribe of philosophers, theologians, magicians, scientists,
artists, clowns, and similar maniacs who are intrigued with ERIS
GODDESS OF CONFUSION and with Her Doings
I Tell You: One must still have chaos in one to give birth to
a dancing star! -Nietzsche
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE FIVE COMMANDMENTS
(THE PENTABARF)
The PENTABARF was discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in the Fifth Year of The Caterpillar. He found them carved in gilded stone, while building a sun deck for his cave, but their import was lost for they were written in a mysterious cypher. However, after 10 weeks & 11 hours of intensive scrutiny he discerned that the message could be read by standing on his head and viewing it upside down.
KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH!
I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess.There
is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The
Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved
home of a Golden Worm.
II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document
Numbering System.
III - A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to
Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday;
this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms
of the Day: of Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism
(no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples
(no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians
(no Hot Dog Buns).
IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns,
for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted
with The Original Snub. A Hot Dog
V - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing what he reads.
IT IS SO WRITTEN! SO BE IT. HAIL DISCORDIA! PROSECUTORS WILL BE
TRANSGRESSICUTED.
Test Question from Topanga Cabal
The Twelve Famous Buddha Minds School:
If they are our brothers,
how come we can't eat them?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A ZEN STORY
by Camden Benares,
The Count of Five Headmaster,
Camp Meeker Cabal
A serious young man found the conflicts of mid 20th Century America
confusing. He went to many people seeking a way of resolving within
himself the discords that troubled him, but he remained troubled.
One night in a coffee house, a self-ordained Zen Master said to
him, "go to the dilapidated mansion you will find at this
address which I have written down for you. Do not speak to those
who live there; you must remain silent until the moon rises tomorrow
night. Go to the large room on the right of the main hallway,
sit in the lotus position on top of the rubble in the northeast
corner, face the corner, and meditate." He did just as the
Zen Master instructed. His meditation was frequently interrupted
by worries. He worried whether or not the rest of the plumbing
fixtures would fall from the second floor bathroom to join the
pipes and other trash he was sitting on. He worried how would
he know when the moon rose on the next night. He worried about
what the people who walked through the room said about him.
His worrying and meditation were disturbed when, as if in a test
of his faith, ordure fell from the second floor onto him. At that
time two people walked into the room. The first asked the second
who the man was sitting there was. The second replied "Some
say he is a holy man. Others say he is a shithead." Hearing
this, the man was enlightened.
HBT; The Book of Predictions, Chap. 19
Western Union Telegram
To: Jehova Yahweh Care: Celestial Hotel (Suite #666) Presidential
Tier, Paradise
Dear God; This is to inform you that your current position as
deity is herewith terminated due to gross incompetence STOP Your
check will be mailed STOP Please do not use me for a reference
STOP
Respectfully, Malaclypse the Younger/Omnibenevolent Polyfather
POEE High Priest
THE BIRTH OF THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT - THE REVELATION
Just prior to the decade of the nineteen-sixties,
when Sputnik was alone and new, and about the time that Ken Kesey
took his first acid trip as a medical volunteer; before underground
newspapers, Viet Nam, and talk of a second American Revolution;
in the comparative quiet of the late nineteen- fifties, just before
the idea of RENAISSANCE became relevant....
Two young Californians, known later as Omar Ravenhurst and Malaclypse
the Younger, were indulging in their habit of sipping coffee at
an all night bowling alley and generally solving the world's problems.
This particular evening the main subject of discussion was discord
and they were complaining to each other of the personal confusion
they felt in their respective lives. "Solve the problem of
discord," said one, "and all other problems will vanish."
"Indeed," said the other, "chaos and strife are
the roots of all confusion."
FIRST
I MUST SPRINKLE YOU WITH
FAIRY DUST
Suddenly the place became devoid of light. Then an utter silence
enveloped them, and a great stillness was felt. Then came a blinding
flash of intense light, as though their very psyches had gone
nova. Then vision returned.
The two were dazed and neither moved nor spoke for several minutes.
They looked around and saw that the bowlers were frozen like statues
in a variety of comic positions, and that a bowling ball was steadfastly
anchored to the floor only inches from the pins that it had been
sent to scatter. The two looked at each other, totally unable
to account for the phenomenon. The condition was one of suspension,
and one noticed that the clock had stopped.
There walked into the room a chimpanzee, shaggy and grey about
the muzzle, yet upright to his full five feet, and poised with
natural majesty. He carried a scroll and walked to the young men.
"Gentlemen," he said, "why does Pickering's Moon
go about in reverse orbit? Gentlemen, there are nipples on your
chests; do you give milk? And what, pray tell, Gentlemen, is to
be done about Heisenberg's Law?"
He paused. "SOMEBODY HAD TO PUT ALL OF THIS CONFUSION HERE!"
And with that he revealed his scroll. It was a diagram, like a
yin- yang with a pentagon on one side and an apple on the other.
And then he exploded and the two lost consciousness.
ERIS - GODDESS OF CHAOS, DISCORD & CONFUSION
They awoke to the sound of pins clattering, and found the bowlers
engaged in their game and the waitress busy with making coffee.
It was apparant that their experience had been private.
They discussed their strange encounter and reconstructed from
memory the chimpanzee's diagram. Over the next five days they
searched libraries to find the significance of it, but were disappointed
to uncover only references to Taoism, the Korean flag, and Technocracy.
The Korean Flag
It was not until they traced the Greek writing on the apple that
they discovered the ancient Goddess known to the Greeks as ERIS
and to the Romans as DISCORDIA. This was on the fifth night, and
when they slept that night each had a vivid dream of a splendid
woman whose eyes were as soft as feather and as deep as eternity
itself, and whose body was the spectacular dance of atoms and
universes. Pyrotechnics of pure energy formed her flowing hair,
and rainbows manifested and dissolved as she spoke in a warm and
gentle voice:
I have come to tell you that you are
free.
Many ages ago, My consciousness left man, that he might develop
himself.
I return to find this development approaching completion, but
hindered by fear and by misunderstanding.
You have built for yourselves psychic suits of armor, and clad
in them, your vision is restricted,
your movements are clumsy and painful, your skin is bruised, and
your spirit is broiled in the sun.
I am chaos.
I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build
rhythms.
I am the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in happy
anarchy.
I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you that you are free.
During the next months they studied philosophies and theologies,
and learned that ERIS or DISCORDIA was primarily feared by the
ancients as being disruptive. Indeed, the very concept of chaos
was still considered equivalent to strife and treated as a negative.
"No wonder things are all screwed up," they concluded,
"they have got it all backwards." They found that the
principle of disorder was every much as significant as the principle
of order.
With this in mind, they studied the strange yin-yang. During a
meditation one afternoon, a voice came to them:
It is called THE SACRED CHAO. I appoint you Keepers of It.
Therein you will find anything you like.
Speak of Me as DISCORD, to show contrast to the pentagon.
Tell constricted mankind that there are no rules, unless they
choose to invent rules.
Keep close the words of Syadasti: 'TIS AN ILL WIND THAT BLOWS
NO MINDS
and remember that there is no tyranny in the State of Confusion.
For further information, consult your pineal gland.
"What is this?" mumbled one to the other, "A religion
based on The Goddess of Confusion? It is utter madness!"
And with those words, each looked at the other in absolute awe.
Omar began to giggle. Mal began to laugh. Omar began to jump up
and down. Mal was hooting and hollering to beat all hell. And
amid squeals of mirth and with tears on their cheeks, each appointed
the other to be high priest of his own madness, and together they
declared themselves to be a society of Discordia, for what ever
that may turn out to be.
"There are trivial truths & there are great truths.
The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false.
The opposite of a great truth is also true."
-Neils Bohr "Did you know that there is a million bucks hidden
in the house next door?"
"But there is no house next door."
"No? Then let's go build one!"
-MARX
Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord,
Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord,
Fnord, Fnord, Fnord
Momomoto, Famous Japanese, can swallow his own nose.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
St. Trinian's SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL POLICE Sewing Circle
THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE ERISTOCRACY
by Lord Omar
VERSE
Mine brain has meditated on the spinning of The Chao
It is hovering o'er the table where the Chiefs of Staff are now
Gathered in discussion of the dropping of The Bomb
Her Apple Corps is strong!
CHORUS
Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
Her Apple Corps is strong!
VERSE
She was not invited to the party that they held on Limbo Peak
So She threw a Golden Apple, 'sted of turn'd the other cheek!
O it cracked the Holy Punchbowl and it made the nectar leak
Her Apple Corps is strong!
"Limbo Peak" refers to Old Limbo Peak, commonly called
by the Greeks "Ol' Limb' Peak."
If a quixotic socrates studied zen under Zorba...?
"The tide is turning... the enemy is suffering terrible losses"
-Gen. Geo. A. Custer
------------------------------------------------------------------------
People in a Position to Know, Inc.
ON PRAYER
Mal-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples
if he often prayed to Eris. He replied with these words:
No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous.
Charles Fort has listed many factual incidences of ignorant people
confronted with, say, a drought, and then praying fervently --
and then getting the entire village wiped out in a torrential
flood.
"Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm
mad but not ill"
Werewolf Bridge, Robert Anton Wison
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Purple Sage.
HBT; The book of predictions, chap. 19 Heaven is down. Hell is
up.
This is proven by the fact that the planets and stars are orderly
in their movements,
while down on earth we come close to the primal chaos.
There are four other proofs, but I forget them.
Josh the Dill
King Kong Kabal
IGNOTUM PER IGNOTIUS
The meaning of this is unknown
IT IS MY FIRM BELIEF THAT IT IS A MISTAKE TO HOLD FIRM BELIEFS.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Classical Greeks were not influenced by the Classical Greeks.
DO NOT CIRCULATE!
What We Know About ERIS (not much)
The Romans left a likeness of Her for posterity--She was shown
as a grotesque woman with a pale and ghastly look, Her eyes afire,
Her garment ripped and torn, and as concealing a dagger in Her
Bosom. Actually, most women look pale and ghastly when concealing
a chilly dagger in their bosoms.
Her geneology is from the Greeks and is utterly confused. Either
She was the twin of Ares and the daughter of Zeus and Hera; or
She was the daughter of Nyx, goddess of night (who was either
the daughter or wife of Chaos, or both), and Nyx's brother, Erebus,
and whose brothers and sisters include Death, Doom, Mockery, and
Friendship. And that She begat Forgetfullness, Quarrels, Lies,
and a bunch of gods and goddesses like that.
One day Mal-2 consulted his Pineal Gland* and asked Eris if She
really created all of those terrible things. She told him that
She had always liked the Old Greeks, but that they cannot be trusted
with historic matters. "They were," She added, "victims
of indigestion, you know."
Suffice it to say that Eris is not hateful or malicious. But She
is mischievous, and does get a little bitchy at times.
*THE PINEAL GLAND is where each and every one of us can talk to
Eris. If you have trouble activating your Pineal, then try the
appendix which does almost as well. Reference: DOGMA I, METAPHYSICS
#3, "The Indoctrine of the Pineal Gland"
DIRUIT AEDIFICAT MUTAT QUADRATA ROTUNDUS
-Horace
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE INSIDE STORY!
THE LAW OF FIVES
The Law of Fives is one of the oldest
Erisian Mysterees. It was first revealed to Good Lord Omar and
is one of the great contributions to come from The Hidden Temple
of The Happy Jesus.
POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar's sect. And POEE also
recognizes the holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos
Dr. Mordecai Malignatus, KNS, into his Discordian sect, The Ancient
Illuminated Seers of Bavaria.
The Law of Fives states simply that:
ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR ARE DIVISIBLE BY OR ARE MULTIPLES
OF FIVE, OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY APPROPRIATE TO
FIVE.
The Law of Fives is never wrong.
In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: "I
find the Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder
I look."
Please do not use this document as toilet tissue
The Nagas of Upper Burma say that the sun shines by day because,
being a woman, it is afraid to venture out at night.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You will find that the State is the kind of ORGANIZATION
which, though it does big things badly, does small things badly
too."
John Kenneth Galbraith
THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORD
It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus
and Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation
as a trouble maker.*
This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold**
and inscribed upon it KALLISTI ("To The Prettiest One")
and on the day of the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall
and then left to be alone and joyously partake of a hot dog
Now, three of the invited goddesses,*** Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite,
each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the
inscription. And they started fighting, and they started throwing
punch all over the place and everything. Finally Zeus calmed things
down and declared that an arbitrator must be selected, which was
a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed.
He sent them to a shepherd of Troy, whose name was Paris because
his mother had had a lot of gaul and had married a Frenchman;
but each of the sneaky goddesses tried to outwit the others by
going early and offering a bribe to Paris. Athena offered him
Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great Wealth, and Aphrodite
offered him the Most Beautiful Woman on Earth.
Being a healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's
bribe and she got the apple and he got screwed. As she had promised,
she maneuvered earthly happenings so that Paris could have Helen
(the Helen) then living with her husband Menelaus, King of Sparta.
Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan War followed when Sparta
demanded their Queen back and that the Trojan War is said to be
The First War among men. And so we suffer because of the Original
Snub.
And so a Discordian is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns.
Do you believe that?
* This is called THE DOCTRINE OF THE ORIGINAL SNUB
** There is historic disagreement concerning whether this apple
was of metalic gold or acapulco.
*** Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks did not
know the Law of Fives.
Remember:
KING KONG
Died for
your SinsHo Chi Zen is King Cong
HBT, The boot of Uterus, Chap. 5
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do You Remember?
1. Polite children will always remember that a church is the ____________
of ____________.
An Erisian Hymn
by Rev. Dr. Mungojerry Grindlebone,
KOB Episkopos, THE RAYVILLE APPLE PANTHERS
Onwards Christian Soldiers,
Onwards Buddhist Priests.
Onward, Fruits of Islam,
Fight till you're deceased.
Fight your little battles.
Join in thickest fray;
For the Greater Glory,
of Dis-cord-i-a.
Yah, yah, yah, Yah, yah, yah, yah. Blfffffffffffft!
Mr. Momomoto, famous Japanese who can swallow his nose, has been
exposed.
It was recently revealed that it was Mr. Momomoto's brother who
has been doing all this nose swallowing.
Heute Die Welt Morgens das Sonnensystem!
Abbey of the Barbarous Relic
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Official Proclamation
POEE DISORGANIZATIONAL MATRIX
V) The House of Apostle of ERIS
For the Eristocracy and the Cabalablia The Five Apostles of ERIS
The Golden Apple Corps (KSC)
Episkoposes of The Discordian Society
POEE Cabal Priests E. Saints, Erisian Avatars, and Like Personages
IV) The House of the Rising Podge
For the Disciples of Discordia Office of My High Reverence, The
Polyfather
Council of POEE Priests
The LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD
Eristic Avatars
Aneristic Avatars
III) The House of the Rising Hodge
For the Bureaucracy The Bureau of Erisian Archives
The Bureau of The POEE Epistolary, and The Division of Dogmas
The Bureau of Symbols, Emblems, Certificates and Such
The Bureau of Eristic Affairs, and The Administry for The Unenlightened
Eristic Horde
The Bureau of Aneristic Affairs, and the Administry for the Orders
of Discordia
II) The House of the Rising Collapse
For the Encouragement of Liberation of Freedom,
and/or the Discouragement of the Immanentizing of the Eschaton
The Breeze of Wisdom and/or The Wind of Insanity
The Breeze of Integrity and/or The Wind of Arrogance
The Breeze of Beauty and/or The Wind of Outrages
The Breeze of Love and/or The Wind of Bombast
The Breeze of Laughter and/or The Wind of Bullshit
I) The Out House
For what is left over Miscellaneous Avatars
The Fifth Column
POEE =POPES= everywhere
Drawer "O" for OUT OF FILE
Lost Documents and Forgotten Truths
OFFICIAL
POEE Head Temple, San Francisco HOUSE OF THE RISING PODGE Bureau
of The POEE Epistolary
------------------------------------------------------------------------
= THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS =
The official symbol of POEE is here illustrated. It may be this, or any similar device to represent TWO OPPOSING ARROWS CONVERGING INTO A COMMON POINT. It may be vertical, horizontal, or else such, and it may be elaborated or simplified.
The esoteric name for this symbol is
THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS, commonly reffered to as THE HAND.
NOTE: In the lore of western magic, the \/ is taken to symbolize
horns,
especially the horns of Satan or of diabolical beasties.
The Five Fingered Hand of Eris, however, is not intended to be
taken as satanic,
for the "horns" are supported by another set, of inverted
"horns".
Or maybe it is walrus tusks. I don't know what it is, to tell
the truth.
"Surrealism aims at the total transformation of the mind
and all that resembles it"
Breton
------------------------------------------------------------------------
POEE
POEE (pronounced "POEE") is an acronym for The PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD
OF ERIS ESOTERIC. The first part can be taken to mean "equivalent
deity, reversity beyond-mystique." We are not really esoteric,
it's just that nobody pays much attention to us.
MY HIGH REVERENCE MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, AB, DD, KSC, is the
High Priest of POEE, and POEE is grounded in his episkopotic revelations
of The Goddess. He is called The Omnibenevolent Polyfather of
Virginity in Gold.
The POEE HEAD TEMPLE is the Joshua Norton Cabal of The Discordian
Society, which is located in Mal-2's pineal gland and can be found
by temporally and spacially locating the rest of Mal-2.
POEE has no treasury, no by-laws, no articles, no guides save
Mal-2's pineal gland, and has only one scruple--which Mal-2 keeps
on his key chain.
POEE has not registered, incorporated, or otherwise chartered
with the State, and so the State does not recognize POEE or POEE
Ordinations, which is only fair, because POEE does not recognize
the State.
POEE has 5 DEGREES:
* There is the neophyte, or LEGIONNAIRE
DISCIPLE.
* The LEGIONNAIRE DEACON, who is catching on.
* An Ordained POEE PRIEST/PRIESTESS or a CHAPLIN.
* The HIGH PRIEST, the Polyfather.
* And POEE =POPE=.
POEE LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLES are authorized
to initiate others as Discordian Society Legionnaires.
PRIESTS appoint their own DEACONS.
The POLYFATHER ordains priests.
I don't know about the =POPES=.
"This book is a mirror. When a monkey looks in, no apostle
looks out."
Lichtenberg
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Application For Membership In the Erisian
movement of the DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
1. Today's date Yesterday's Date
2. Purpose of this application: membership in :
* Legion of Dynamic Discord
* POEE
* Bavarian Illuminati
* All of the Above
* None of the Above
* Other-- BE SPECIFIC!
3.Personal
Name
Holy Name
Address (If temporary, also give an address from which mail can
be forwarded)
4. Description:
Born: Yes No
Eyes: 2 Other
Height: fl. oz. Last time you had a haircut:
Reason:
Race: Horse Human
I.Q.:150-200 200-250 250-300 over 300
5. Historical:
Education - highest grade completed 1 2 3 4 5 6 over 6th
Professional:
list every job since 1937 from which you have been fired.
Medical:
List all major psychic psychotic episodes experienced within the
last 24 hours.
CONFIDENTIAL!
6. Sneaky Questions to establish personality traits
I would rather
1. Live in an outhouse
2. Play in a rock group
3. Eat caterpillars.
I wear obscene tattoos because
I have ceased raping little children yes no
Reason
7. Self Portrait
LICK HERE!!!
*
You may be one
of the lucky 25 I hereby certify that all the infornation on the
above form is as true as I care to make it without actualy going
out and purchasing more than 5 kilos of papier mache.
I an not guuily of the Murder of Rasputin, nor would I ever think
of Overthrowing the US. Govt. even on a Sunday.
Rev. Mungo For Office Use Only acc. rej. burned
------------------------------------------------------------------------
POEE & It's Priests
If you like Erisianism as it is presented according to Mal-2,
then you may wish to from your own POEE CABAL as a POEE PRIEST
and you can go do a bunch of POEE Priestly Things. A "POEE
Cabal" is exactly what you think it is.
The High Priest makes no demands on his Priests, though he does
rather expect good will of them. The Office of The Polyfather
is point, not to teach. Once in a while, he even listens.
Should you find that your own revelations of The Goddess become
substantially different that the revelations of Mal-2, then perhaps
the Goddess has plans for you as an Episkopos, and you might consider
creating your own sect from scratch, unhindered. Episkoposes are
not competing with each other, and they are all POEE priests anyway
(as soon as I locate them). The point is that Episkoposes are
developing separate paths to the Erisian mountain top.
See the section "Discordian Society"
ORDINATION AS A POEE PRIEST
There are no particular qualifications for Ordination because
if you want to be a POEE Priest then you must undoubtedly qualify.
Who could possibly know better than you whether or not you should
be Ordained?
An ORDAINED POEE PRIEST or PRIESTESS is defined as "one who
holds an Ordination Certificate from the Office of the Polyfather."
(HBT; The Book of Advise, 1:1)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
World Council of Churches Boutique
Note to POEE Priests:
The Polyfather wishes to remind all Erisians the POEE was conceived
not as a commercial enterprise, and that you are requested to
keep your cool when seeking funds for POEE Cabals or when spreading
the POEE Word via the market place.
The Hidden stone ripens fast,
then laid bare like a turnip can easily be cut out at last
but even then the danger isn't past.
That man lives best who's fain
to live half mad, half sane.
Flemish Poet Jan Van Stijevoort, 1524.
The Erisian Affirmation
BEFORE THE GODDESS ERIS, I (name or holyname), do herewith declare
myself a POEE BROTHER of THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD. HAIL HAIL
HAIL HAIL HAIL ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ERIS ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!
the presiding POEE Official (if any) responds:
ALL HAIL DISCORDIA!
find the goddess Eris Within your Pineal Gland POEE To Diverse
Gods Do Mortals bow;
Holy Cow, and Wholly Chao
Rev. Dr. Grindlebone Monroe Cabal
"common sense is what tells you that the world is flat."
This is St. Gulik.
He is the Messenger of the Goddess.
A different age from ours called him Hermes.
Many people called him by many names.
He is a Roach
------------------------------------------------------------------------
HOW TO START A POEE CABAL WITHOUT MESSING
AROUND WITH THE POLYFATHER
If you can't find the Polyfather, or having found him, don't want
anything to do with him, you are still authorized to form your
own POEE CABAL and do Priestly Things, using the Principia Discordia
as a guide. Your Official Rank will be POEE CHAPLIN for the LEGION
OF DYNAMIC DISCORD, which is exactly the same as a POEE PRIEST
except that you don't have an Ordination Certificate. The words
you are now reading are your ordination.
HOW TO BECOME A POEE CHAPLIN
1. Write the ERISIAN AFFIRMATION in five
copies.
2. Sign and nose-print each copy.
3. Send one to the President of the United States.
4. Send one to The California State Bureau of Furniture and Bedding
1021 'D' Street, Sacramento CA 94814
5. Nail one to a telephone pole. Hide one. And burn the other.
Then consult your pineal gland.
General License was Sgt. Pepper's Commander
OLD POEE SLOGAN
When in Doubt, Fuck it. When not in Doubt... get in Doubt!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trip 5!
The POEE Baptismal Rite
This Mysteree Rite is not required for
initiation, but it is offered by many POEE Priests to proselytes
who desire a formal ceremony.
1) The Priests and four Brothers are arranged in a pentagon with
the Initiate in the center facing the Priests. If possible, the
Brothers on the immediate right and left of the Priest should
be Deacons. The Initiate must be totally naked, to demonstrate
that he is truly a human being and not something else in disguise
like a cabbage or something.
2) All persons in the audience and the pentagon, excepting the
Priest, assume a squatting position and return to a standing position.
This is repeated four more times. This dance is symbolic of the
humility of we Erisians.
3) The Priest begins: I, (complete Holy Name, with Mystical Titles,
and degrees, designations, offices, etc.), Ordained Priest of
the Paratheo-anametamystikhood of Eris Esoteric, with the Authority
invested at me by the High Priest of It, Office of the Polyfather,
The House of the Rising Podge, POEE Head Temple; Do herewith Require
of Ye:
1) ARE YE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CABBAGE
OR SOMETHING?
The Initiate answers YES.
2) THAT'S TOO BAD. DO YE WISH TO BETTER THYSELF?
The Initiate answers YES.
3) HOW STUPID. ARE YE WILLING TO BECOME PHILOSOPHICALLY ILLUMINIZED?
He answers YES.
4) VERY FUNNY. WILL YE DEDICATE YESELF TO THE HOLEY ERISIAN MOVEMENT?
The Initiate answers PROBABLY.
5) THEN SWEAR YE THE FOLLOWING AFTER ME: (The Priest here leads
the Initiate in a recital of THE ERISIAN AFFIRMATION.)
The Priest continues: THEN I DO HERE PROCLAIM YE POEE DISCIPLE
(name), LEGIONNAIRE OF THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD. HAIL ERIS!
HAIL HAIL! HAIL YES!
4) All present rejoice grandly. The new Brother opens a large
jug of wine and offers it to all who are present.
5) The Ceremony generally degenerates.
Mord says that
Omar says that
we are all unicorns anyway DO NOT PULL ON YELLOW TIP
Answers:
1. Harry Houdini
2. Swing Music
3. Pretzels
4. 8 months
5. Testy Culbert
6. It protrudes.
7. No vocal cords
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE POEE MYSTEREE OATH
The Initiate swears the following:
FLYING BABY SHIT!!!!!
(Brothers of the Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria sect may
wish to substitute the German: FLIEGENDE KINDERSCHEISSE! or perhaps
WIECZNY KWIAT WTADZA!!!!! which is Ewige Blumenkraft in Polish.)
THE RECENT EXPOSE THAT MR. MOMOMOTO, FAMOUS JAPANESE WHO CAN SWALLOW
HIS NOSE, CANNOT SWALLOW HIS NOSE BUT HIS BROTHER CAN, HAS BEEN
EXPOSED! IT IS MR. MOMOMOTO WHO CAN SWALLOW HIS NOSE.
HE SWALLOWED HIS BROTHER IN THE SUMMER OF '44.
Corrections to last week's copy:
* Johnny Sample is offensive cornerback
for the New York Jets,
not fullback as stated.
* Bobby Tolan's name is not Randy, but mud.
* All power to the people, and ban the fucking bomb.
"This statement is false"
(courtesy of POEE)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
NO TWO EQUALS ARE THE SAME!
THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY
The Discordian Society has no definition.
I sometimes think of it as a disorganization of Eris Freaks. It
has been called a guerrilla mind theatre. Episkopos Randomfactor,
Director of Purges of Our People's Underworld Movement sect in
Larchmont, prefers "The World's Greatest Association of What-ever-it-is-that-we-are."
Lady Mal thinks of it as a RENAISSANCE THINK TANK. Fang the Unwashed,
WKC, won't say. You can think of it any way you like.
AN EPISKOPOS OF THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY is one who prefers total
autonomy, and creates his own Discordian sect as The Goddess directs
him.
He speaks for himself and for those that say that they like what
he says.
THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD: A Discordian Society Legionnaire
is one who prefers not to create his own sect.
If you want in on the Discordian Society then declare yourself
what you wish do what you like and tell us about it or if you
prefer don't.
Some Episkoposes have a one-man cabal. Some work together. Some
never do explain.
There are no rules anywhere. The Goddess Prevails.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Section Two