One Sentence Reviews for Internet Surfers with ADD

by Chris Woo

THE META-MATICS

Complete Discography CD (Troubleman Unlimited, 16 Willow Street, Bayonne, NJ 07002; tmu 087)

Predates the late '90s no wavy anti-capitalist, pro-Marxist post-punk revival of the Cranium but also postdates the soulfully jazzy anti-capitalist, pro-rock and roll swindle revival of the Nation of Ulysses, all of which validates your confused politics in a way that only At the Drive-In or Rage can.

VHS OR BETA

Le Funk CD (ON! Records, PO Box 4282, Louisville, KY 40204; VHS5120)

...or DVD is the question you must ask yourself if you love the nightlife and want to boogie with these polyester-wearin' neo-disco disasters from Louisville, Kentucky whore... (ahem) who're probably going to be responsible for a most unwelcome and diluted revival of shallow people with deep throats (really ... wouldn't you be more willing to shake yr booty to Chic, Chic, Chic [a.k.a. !!!], Trans Am or even Golden?).

MICROWAVES

System 2 CD (split release between Cenotaph Audio, PO Box 81941, Pittsburgh, PA 15217; and Version City, 88 Butler Street, #2, Brooklyn, NY 11231; CENOTAPH-7/VERSION CITY-1)

If Big Black was more into Devo, sloganeering, and buying and selling crack babies like junk bonds, you'd probably get something that sounds like shit, so fortunately the MICROWAVES aren't that into sloganeering.

ORTHRELM/TOUCHDOWN

split CD (Troubleman Unlimited, 16 Willow Street, Bayonne, NJ 07002; no cat#)

Played "In the Key of RAD," this disc is much more "listenable" (in the sense that sandpaper is "touchable") than Orthrelm's license plate hieroglyphic album IORXHSCIMTOR (Tolotta) or even past prog-jects [sic] like Crom-Tech, and my judgements tend to veer quite nicely toward the victory dance of unfamiliars Touchdown simply because they seem to be all about scoring.